Books·Posted on Sep 23, 201823 Book Jokes You’re Gonna Laugh At Even If You Haven’t Read In A While"Ladies, you must never date anyone who hates libraries, has a portrait of himself that grows older while he stays young, or eats five dozen eggs and is the size of a barge."by Farrah PennBuzzFeed Staff WriterLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. Andrew Fowler @fowlerism ME: I will now give my Moby Dick presentation as a rap TEACHER: I specifically told you not to d– ME: His palms are sweaty, Queequeg's harpoon heavy, there's something on his sweater already, spermaceti 01:29 AM - 25 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Jon @ArfMeasures Me: Do you have the Harry Potter audiobook? DJ: no 01:49 PM - 17 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. The English Major @Audenary (WW1 1915) ENGLISH GENERAL: Plan? ENGLISH LIEUTENANT: Well, the trenches can be used to- ENGLISH MAJOR: to symbolise man's emptiness, yes... 01:44 PM - 08 Dec 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Ian Laking @IHLaking when your local library starts subtly sowing the seeds of anarchy 01:02 PM - 10 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. CG Drews @PaperFury I came, I saw, I thought about conquering but instead left swiftly because there were too many people and not enough books. 08:52 PM - 10 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Manhattan Pub Lib @ManhattanPL My sister sent me this from her local #library and now I can't stop singing this song. #WeLoveBigBooks 07:44 PM - 10 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. caro shan. @caro_is_queen To All The Boys Who Basically Said What I Already Said In Class 02:04 PM - 24 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. the library goblin @BozeReads adulthood means saying “I can’t wait to use this bad boy!!” when you travel across country and get a new library card. 04:23 PM - 24 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. DaddyJew @DaddyJew Librarian: can I check you out? Me: sure [spins around] Librarian: I meant your book Me: oh yea, that makes way more sense 10:21 PM - 27 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. CG Drews @PaperFury Human: Don’t you have enough books yet? Me: [writing wishlists of them] no Human: ok what about now? Me: [piling books in front of the door] no Human: how about nOw?? Me: [covering self in books] still no 09:28 PM - 07 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. the library haunter 🦉 @SketchesbyBoze if teen-aged Mary Shelley can win a storytelling contest with Lord Byron by inventing science-fiction, I can surely make it to Friday. 03:20 PM - 17 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. the library haunter 🦉 @SketchesbyBoze REPORTER: you've written literally dozens of murders- AGATHA CHRISTIE: look at these adorable llamas REPORTER: how can you sleep at night AGATHA: they're so fluffy :) :) https://t.co/OzMdgZ1SPD 06:20 PM - 28 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Hogwarts Logic @HogwartsLogics Hogwarts is my ideal education system mostly because there's no mandatory physical exercise & all meals are served buffet style 04:39 PM - 07 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. the library haunter 🦉 @SketchesbyBoze F. SCOTT FITZGERALD: did you read it? did you read my new book? GERTRUDE STEIN *sweating*: it sure is a collection of words and sentences, https://t.co/TvWPSYmiZ2 01:10 PM - 14 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Luke James @LEJ88 I went into a bookshop earlier carrying a book. I seem to have put my book down to browse other books and left with no books. Have called the bookshop but they're struggling to find my lost book amongst all the books. This is the stupidest thing I have ever done 06:25 PM - 31 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. ellie @hugvvarts sex is cool and all but have u ever tried reading an angsty romance and getting to the part where they finally kiss after like 30 chapters 06:53 PM - 20 Nov 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. ThisOneSays @ThisOneSayz Taking a page out of someone’s book doesn’t always work. The librarian got pretty pissed at me. 06:45 PM - 27 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. the library haunter 🦉 @SketchesbyBoze we love Edgar Allan Poe because he portrays universal human emotions like loss, grief, unrequited love, burying your enemy alive in the cellar and being scared out of your mind by a bird. 05:40 PM - 04 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. AlwaysAshley @AshleyFrankly Shh, librarian, the books are late because I love them. I can't be quiet because the library is exciting. I lost my card because I use it. Please just love me. I need this. 03:13 PM - 05 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Visions of Halcyon @schoonerz First day at Hogwarts... Sorting Hat: *reads thoughts* what the fuck man 01:18 AM - 07 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets Me: Is it worth more because it's signed? Book dealer: Pretty sure the word "God" written in cursive in this Bible is not authentic, sir. 07:03 PM - 24 Oct 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. the library haunter 🦉 @SketchesbyBoze ladies, you must never date anyone who hates libraries, has a portrait of himself that grows older while he stays young, or eats five dozen eggs and is the size of a barge. 04:00 PM - 21 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. ellie @hugvvarts the 7 harry potter books summed up: 09:35 PM - 23 Aug 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite