Hey guys, it's Farrah! So with all the hype surrounding The Bachelor every year, I figured, why not watch only the premiere and finale without any context from the middle?
I've seen both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette in the past. The last seasons I watched were Ben's, then Rachel's. I don't really know why I stopped, but I cannot believe I'm about to watch a THREE-HOUR season premiere. What. In. The. World.
Here's the thing: I love the drama this show creates! Real or fake. As they say...the devil works hard, but the crew of The Bachelor works harder. I'm ready for a premiere with LOTS OF DRAMA. Bring it on.
One last thing: I don't know much about Peter or Hannah Brown (who I know was the Bachelorette last year). I'm only bringing it up because I saw the trailer for this season and I know Hannah returns.
Here we fucking go!!!!!!!! It wouldn't be a season premiere without Chris Harrison going, iT's dRaMaTiC aNd uNbeLiEvAbLe! Like, we get it, Chris. Every goddamn season is. You better not be lying to me.
I was pretty surprised to learn that Peter's part Cuban! He also really seems like he's genuinely looking for love, so either he's a good actor or he believes this TV show will find him his forever person.
We get a few background stories on some of the women, which makes me believe they will be sticking around for a while. I would not be surprised if the nurse makes it to the final two. But anyway, here's my favorite part: the arrival and first impressions! I love how ~original~ all the women were.
There was a lot of...creativity involved.
Can you imagine retelling this as the story of when you first met?????
Anyway, an important piece of information I've learned so far is that Hannah Brown and Peter had sex in a windmill four times. So, naturally, someone dressed up as a windmill. Nothing says romance like bringing up your past partner!!!!!!
One girl brought an emotional support cow for Peter. I had to pause the TV here because I was crying from laughing so hard. A FUCKING PONY.
HERE IT IS. THE DRAMA THAT I'M LIVING FOR. Hannah Brown came back to the house. Honestly, out of context, this could be a still from a horror movie:
OK, all the girls are here. Now all 30 of them must compete for Petey's attention to hopefully win the first-impression rose. Stakes are high! Cattiness is alive!
So far, I really believe Hannah Ann and the blonde nurse will make it to the top 10. Hannah Ann is causing the most drama tonight because she talked to Peter THREE times, and not everyone has had a chance.
Peter is into Hannah's aggressiveness, so she gets the first-impression rose. Sometimes you gotta shoot your shot. And then shoot it again. And again!!! Anyway, Hannah was all, HELL YES, and all the other girls were sad.
The rose ceremony happens, girls go home, blah, blah, blah. Stakes were low, since it was the first ceremony. The audience isn't attached to anyone just yet, so...MOVING ON. Half the girls have to complete an obstacle course to win a one-on-one date with Peter, and Kelley cheats!!!!
Kelley and Peter already have a history (kind of) because they met at a reunion. I feel bad saying this, but there's something about Kelley I don't like?! Maybe I don't like cheaters? Anyway, I don't think she's going to make the final two, but she will come close.
Next, Madison is invited on a one-on-one with Peter, and BLAHHHHH, I'M BORED. I WANT SOME DRAMA. Like, she seems sweet, but at the same time, she's just OK. If this were any other first date, it would have gone great. But this is The Bachelor, baby. I wanna see some VULNERABILITIES.
OMG. YES. HERE WE GO!!!!! Peter takes the second group of girls on a group date, and Hannah fucking Brown is there!! She tells ALL THE GIRLS, with Peter standing there, about the time she had sex with Peter four times in a windmill. As a date activity, she wants the girls to get onstage à la open mic and tell a story about sex. WHAT ON EARTH!!!!!
Then we cut to some kind of greenroom where Hannah's sitting all by herself. Peter comes in. She's clearly upset and has some regrets about sending him home. THIS IS THE KIND OF DRAMA I'M HERE FOR!!!!!!!!!!!
It seems as if Peter's heart is super confused. He clearly still has feelings for Hannah, going so far as to INVITE HER ON THE SHOW AGAIN. OH. MY. GOD. CAN YOU IMAGINE?????
Goddamn it. I'm pissed that I'm not going to watch this season after seeing this premiere. Chris Harrison, you HOOKED ME. But — for the content, right?
Then it ends.
OK! With only the knowledge of the first episode of Season 24, here is my official list of my top 10 predictions:
1. Mykenna D.
2. Victoria F.
3. Victoria P.
4. Lauren J.
5. Tammy L.
6. Hannah Ann
7. Alexa C.
8. Kelley F.
9. Madison P.
10. Hannah Brown??????
And finally, here are my picks for TOP TWO, solely based on who received the most screen time this episode:
1. Hannah Ann
2. Madison P.