1.
Saying “gobble gobble” to people on Thanksgiving: -Cliché -Super weird -Terrible turkey impression Saying “may you never face the soul of the beast you consume in hell”: -So badass -Technically very nice -Reminds them they and their turkey are probably going to hell
2.
Me before thanksgiving dinner: I promise I won’t talk about politics this year Me after precisely one sip of beer:
3.
my thanksgiving food pyramid: / \ / \ / mac \ /& cheese\ —-——- / mac \ / & cheese \ ——————- / mac \ / & cheese \ -————————
4.
Me on thanksgiving all glammed up sitting in the living room 😂💀 https://t.co/OIbFAB9aZM
5.
if you ever hate yourself just remember that last year i hosted thanksgiving for my family and i told them to park in the wrong spot and every single persons car got towed
6.
Gonna ruin thanksgiving this year by saying ok boomer after the family prayer
7.
When my family asks me at Thanksgiving dinner why I don’t have a girlfriend yet
8.
Fun fact: The most powerful person in any family is the person who tells the other family members what to bring to Thanksgiving dinner.
9.
Perfect plan for when your family asks if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend this Thanksgiving
10.
Offered to host Thanksgiving, but the joke's on everyone cuz we're having hot dogs and whiskey, just like the pilgrims would have wanted.
11.
do y’all put up your toyotathon decorations before or after thanksgiving?
12.
My mom made everyone get out of her picture with the food cause "ain't nobody help"
13.
I'm serious, guys. There's no rule that you can't just have pie on Thanksgiving.
14.
I can’t wait until thanksgiving. I’m tired of eating bullshit
15.
my favorite day is the day after thanksgiving, when I twitter search the words "hot cousin" and see all the people who have crushes on their cousins
16.
i’m the girl ur family asks u about when ur eating thanksgiving dinner 3 years after we break up
17.
A haunted house but instead of scary monsters it’s 15 ppl asking you what you are doing with your life & who you’re marrying, oh wait that’s thanksgiving
18.
If you are going to someone's house for Thanksgiving, compliment their baseboards. That is what they are spending this weekend cleaning.
19.
7-year-old: Can we put up the Christmas tree? Me: It's not even Thanksgiving yet. 7: We could eat turkey early. Me: I'm listening.