1.
Dumbledore: “What are your strengths?” Hagrid: “Breeding monsters and putting children in imminent danger.” Dumbledore: “Any convictions?” Hagrid: “Several.” Dumbledore: “Can you practice magic?” Hagrid: “Not legally.” Dumbledore: “….you’re fucking hired.”
2.
if you have a crush on someone, you can take a risk and tell them or you can change your name, become a count, uncover a massive fortune in gold and jewels buried on a remote isle and slowly avenge yourself on her husband who threw you in prison to die.
3.
Stop trying to make everyone happy, you're not a Scholastic Book Fair.
4.
Some of you guys didn’t read “The Giving Tree” when you were younger and missed out on the important life lesson about giving too much of yourself to one person and it shows in your toxic ass relationships smh Shel Silverstein would be disappointed
5.
TOLKEIN: you wrote a book about a mythical land didn’t you? LEWIS: yes, the Chronicles of Narnia TOLKEIN: [writing in a notepad] that’s right. what’s Narnia again? LEWIS: [leaning in close] Narnia fucken business
6.
HOGWARTS JANITOR: Isn’t there a spell that could clean this up? DUMBLEDORE: [handing him a mop] Yeah but I’m tired.
7.
8.
there should be an anthology that comes out every year called NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL WRITING
9.
Marauder's Map, Ron's bedroom: 𝓡𝓸𝓷 𝓦𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓵𝓮𝔂 👣 👣 𝓟𝓮𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓟𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓲𝓰𝓻𝓮𝔀 Harry Potter: cool, no need to look into that further
10.
was listening to the very hungry caterpillar audiobook in my car and accidentally spent $174.09 at the drive-thru
11.
*stands outside your window holding a boom box above my head blasting my favorite audiobook*
12.
The Fantastic and the Beasts 2 Crimes 2 Grindelwald The Fantastic and the Beasts: Scamander Drift Fantastic & Beasts Fantastic 5 Fantastic & Beasts 6 Beasts 7 The Fantastic of the Beasts We Are Still Making These 9 This Is About Making Money Off Of Intellectual Property Rights 10
13.
Candle scents that I would buy: 1) scholastic book fair 2) lite-brite 3) the fear of my enemies
14.
The middle initials "R.R.", a ranked list: 1. J.R.R. Tolkien 2. George R.R. Martin 3. The Children R.R. Future
15.
~HOGWARTS~ Professor: then just flick your wand and– Harry Potter: ACCIO MY PARENTS [silence] Professor: err that’s not really how it– Harry: accio a hug
16.
my moms hearing aids are bluetooth wired and she just told me sometimes when she’s in meetings she turns off the listening to people function and just streams audiobooks directly into her ears
17.
movie producers: looks like we’ve filmed EVERY story library: not true producers: what to film next library: I got some stories producers: how about three THOUSAND sequels, prequels and reboots library: are you *kidding* me
18.
Ho ho! Goddamn good thing we didn’t have social media when I was a teenager! The LAST thing I need now is pictures of me reading Lord of the Rings alone in bed popping up and ruining my life.
19.
You seem like the type of person that says the movie is better than the book.
20.
Give us a perfume that smells like a Scholastic Book Fair, you cowards.
21.
If I were a literary character, I would be the grandpa in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory that doesn't get to go