10 Foolproof Tips For Finding Your Soul Mate, Bollywood Style

Being true Bollywood aficionados, my sister and I often looked to Hindi cinema for guidance on how to find a true soul mate. Surely the producer of millions of love stories would offer some answers. Here’s what we found after a thorough analysis.

1. Long hair, don't care.

Long hair is a MUST. When a girl is twirling around in a busy nightclub without bumping into anyone, shoulder length hair will not smack future soul mates with the face-full of hair that makes them realize that their one and only love is in the vicinity. (“Tumhe Aaj Maine Dekha” from Kuch Naa Kaho)

2. Pedicured, poetry-worthy feet.

Our feet haven’t inspired poetry yet. So every time we find a journal, we can’t match the handwriting to that of our soul mate’s. (Pakeezah Train Scene)

3. Freshwater bathing.

Modern plumbing may be convenient, but it’s throwing a damper on our open-air lake bathing. Shower splashing just doesn’t cut it. (Roja)

4. Pyrotechnic prowess.

Lighting a candle for the safety of a long-distance best friend seemed like a wonderful idea until we lit our drapes on fire. So much for that… ("Silsila Yeh Chaahat Ka” from Devdas)

5. Manicured, love-inspiring hands.

Certain soul-mate finding situations require one to be blinded by full nikaab. How else will we run into people who then fall in love at the sight of our beautiful hands? (Mere Mehboob)

6. A grumpy disposition.

Unfortunately, when our amazing neighbor tried to cheer us up with a church choir and dancers in our neighborhood, he was arrested for creating a public disturbance. We haven’t seen him since. (“Pretty Woman” from Kal Ho Naa Ho)

7. Admirable yoga skills.

Any potential soul mates spying on us during yoga would need to help us up after we’d fallen out of downward dog before falling in love with our not-so-graceful positions. (Taal)

8. Soulful singing.

Sadly, the last time we tried public singing, we got weird looks and hateful stares. We didn’t get soul mates running after our voices. (“Nadiya Kinare” from Abhimaan)

9. Towel-dancing talent.

Our parents installed blinds in our house years ago for the sake of privacy – little did we realize the importance of clear views for peeping toms in finding a soul mate. (Mujhse Shaadi Karogi)

10. Constipation....Err Conversation Skills.

On our final attempt to repair innate tone-deafness, we hired a street performer to help us learn how to sing. He gave up after one lesson, and deemed us hopeless. ("Beautiful Punjabi Gaana" from Jab Tak Hai Jaan)

Above piece modified from its original posting on The Aerogram