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We Made A Ridiculously Big Cat Fort For My Cat
This is a story about a lifetime's supply of cardboard, duct tape, rope, and string, a full day of construction, and one very happy cat named Jenkins.
He likes to keep abreast of world affairs.
He has an abiding passion for early '90s heartthrobs.
And he loves cardboard with every fiber of his furry little being.
For these, and many other reasons, I wanted to reward him for all his hard work and build him a proper home that is as big and beautiful as his heart.
Because this...is just not good enough.
Here's how we did that...
First of all, you will need cardboard.
PVC pipes and ropes make great scratching posts, and a few cat-sized ducts are going to work really well as hallways and lookouts.
We also bought some streamers, string, glue guns, box cutters, markers, Christmas lights, and enough duct tape to last a lifetime.
It's also very important to have a complex and detailed architectural plan. This was ours.
Now we were ready to start building.
First, we assembled a row of 6 extra-large boxes in the back, connected them with some cat-shaped doorways, and cut holes for vents and lookouts.
Hallways were placed between buildings and properly secured using the very latest in duct-tape technology.
Freestanding buildings were given periscopes, so Jenkins could look out of his fort whenever his enemies approached.
Meanwhile, our crack team of scratching-post experts got to work with the PVC pipe and rope to create scratching-post pillars to use as supports.
With the back wall up and running, we were able to build out the fort around a planned central courtyard, with various rooms for different cat diversions.
We also stitched together some rope bridges and created a portcullis that Jenkins could use to intimidate opposing armies.
We put crenellations around the battlements, created a welcoming Fort Jenkins to be a throne room, and built a courtyard for Jenkins to exercise in.
We also installed our custom-built suspension bridge on the back wall and placed some strategic flags, blankets, and cat beds around the place.
The skull portcullis, adorned with two scratching post poles, was lit up with terrifying red Christmas lights to warn off any unwelcome intruders.
And the fort was finally ready for Jenkins to move into.
He began by exploring the basement of his throne room.
And inspecting the interior decorating and layout.
Then he moved upstairs to inspect the second floor.
And gaze out at his vast domain from the safety of his observation room.
He tested the firmness and resiliency of the cat beds.
He particularly enjoyed Fort Jenkins — the homey east wing of the building.
He also spent a lot of time patrolling his battlements.
Testing the sturdiness of the crenellations.
And exercising in his expansive courtyard.
And, after a long, hard day exploring and inspecting his home...
He finally called it a night.
It had taken us a full day of work, and a small fortune in cardboard...
But Jenkins loved his new home, and he finally had a place to live that was worthy of his majesty and grace.
At last, Jenkins has a home he can be proud of.
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