21 Wild Injury Stories That I'm Still Laughing At
"There were rumors I had died."
1. "I tried to butter some bread with a blunt butter knife, but I somehow stabbed the webbing between my thumb and finger. I needed five stitches and just missed a tendon."
2. "When I was 9 and watching Sailor Moon, I was trying to mimic her transformation move where she twirls with her foot in the air. I lost my balance and fell into my gran's glass cabinet with all the plates we can't touch, and the glass sliced my leg from my ankle to my knee."
3. "I sliced my hand open with a frozen waffle. I still have a gnarly scar 20 years later...."
4. "I was doing an elaborate interpretive dance to an Alessia Cara song. (Alone, in my room. I’m not a dancer.) While doing an overzealous twirl, I tripped and broke my toe."
5. "I once sprained my wrist because I was drumming on my steering wheel to the Moana soundtrack a little too enthusiastically."
6. "I was playing volleyball in P.E. class, when the ball went rogue. As I was running to grab it, I thought I ducked low enough to get under the volleyball net. I did not."
7. "While holding my dog, I slipped on a melted ice cube, the dog flew into the sink, and I broke my left tibia. Our vacation was canceled and my left leg is a couple inches shorter than my right leg."
8. "When I was 8, I couldn’t wait for my mom to take the chicken pot pie out of the oven so I did it myself. Except I dropped the pie and it landed upside down on my foot. My foot immediately blistered into a bubble and to this day (32 years later), I bear the chicken pot pie scar on my foot."
9. "I was rehearsing for a school musical and I remembered how in About a Boy, they talk about how when you are really feeling the music, you close your eyes. So, I closed my eyes while dancing, fell off the stage, and landed on my head."
10. "I wiped too fast with toilet paper and got multiple paper cuts on my vag. I was sitting without underwear and wiping Neosporin on my bits for a week. No, I will not include a photo."
11. "So when I was about 4, I needed to go to the bathroom at daycare, and I decided to pull my pants down to 'save time' between where I was standing and the toilet. I pulled down my trousers, waddled over to the bathroom, tripped over my pants, and dislocated my elbow."
12. "I used to work in a zoo. One day I went to throw some garbage in a trash can, and a (very small) bird flew out of the can and scared me so I turned to run away. At that moment, my friend came around the corner and I tried to turn back, but I landed on my foot all wrong and sprained the hell out of my ankle. My friends STILL laugh and say a bird sprained my ankle."
13. "One time in eight grade (2005ish), Good Charlotte was going to be on TRL, but of course I had to stay after school for drama practice. I got so mad over missing it that I kicked a brick wall...and broke my big toe."
14. "After partying all night, my friend and I decided to walk home to sober up. The main road was closed because of a huge construction site, but I convinced my friend to sneak through the barrier and try to walk across the construction site instead of taking a 45-minute detour. I didn't notice the huge excavation pit beneath my feet and fell 3 meters deep... and immediately felt intense pain in my lower back."
15. "I did theatre in high school and I was setting something up in the auditorium before anyone else was in there. I walked backwards off the 4-foot stage, hit my chin on the edge, and passed out. My director found me unconscious on the floor and there were rumors I had died."
16. "My sister gave herself whiplash and a concussion when she tried a high dance kick wearing a long flannel nightgown. She kicked up so hard against the front of the nightgown that the back whipped her standing leg out from under her."
17. "I had to pee so bad but I didn't like the bathroom at my friend's grandparents' house because it reminded me of the bathroom from The Shining. Instead of peeing I ran up and down the stairs and when I got to the top for the 17th time, my foot slipped and I tumbled down the stairs, peed myself, and broke my leg. SMH."
18. "When I was a kid I was having a hard time opening the window in my bedroom so I lay on my bed and tried to use my feet to open it?? My heel broke the glass and it was really embarrassing explaining to my parents why my foot was bleeding."
19. "I was walking into work one day feeling very cute, wearing leggings and an oversized sweater. I confidently tossed my shoulders back, and in doing so, one of my key rings got caught in my sweater and kind of jerked me backward a little bit. I decided in that split second that I was being kidnapped, but instead of doing anything useful I threw myself forward on the ground as hard as I could, scraping my knees and hands while my coworkers just stared at me."
20. "I went to college in upstate New York, where it snows from Halloween to St. Patrick's Day. One night, my friends and I were having a (drunken) snowball fight outside of our dorm. I spotted a snowbank and jumped backwards so I would land snow angel–style on the ground. I didn't realize that the pile of snow was actually just a light dusting on top of a 2-foot-high concrete wall. Luckily, my spine softened the blow."
21. "I decided it would be a great idea to scare my nan, so I jumped into her room and shouted, 'HI, NAN!' Except I jumped and smacked the top of my head on the door frame and knocked myself out cold. I woke up to my nan screaming, 'Hello?! Who’s there?!' And I ended up in the hospital with a concussion!"
Some entries have been edited for length and/or clarity.