The 7 Stages Of Dating Someone In Finance

As I write this, my boyfriend is muttering at an Excel spreadsheet

1. Shock: "Wait, You Make How Much?"

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"Wait, your yearly bonus is more than my yearly salary? Good thing I'm putting that English degree to good use."

2. Denial: "This Should Only Take A Few More Hours"

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Eventually you'll learn this really means, "Cancel the reservation, I'll see you at 4am."

3. Bargaining: "If You Don't Bring Your BlackBerry, I'll..."

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Who even uses a BlackBerry these days, anyway? Finance people, that's who, and the BB might as well stand for Big Brother.

4. Guilt: "I'm Sorry I Got You Sick"

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Because unlike regular people, they still have to go to work for 12+ hours. "Here, let me read aloud a Michael Lewis book to make you feel better."

5. Anger: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T COME TO MY COLLEGE GRADUATION??!?!??!1!"

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"It's on a Sunday morning, shouldn't your boss be at home? Playing with his kids? Golfing? Anything OTHER THAN MAKING YOU WORK?"

6. Depression: "All By Myself"

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Another weekend spent waiting for them to finish work. And another. And another.

7. Acceptance: "Babe, I Quit My Job Today"

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"Congratulations, you're still alive! And I'm still dating you!"