10 Gloriously Geeky Inventions That Never Saw The Light Of Day

Think coffee-via-IV is a good enough idea to be patented? In honor of the company’s annual April Fools’ Patent Contest, Cisco engineers proposed precisely that, as well as a bunch of other wild ideas, as they took a fun spin on a formal task (submitting patents). For nine years now, Cisco employees have presented their goofy patent ideas to the company’s lawyers through the same portal by which more sober innovations are vetted. Sadly, none of these inspirations are ever going to make it to the US Patent Office! Have your own idea to share? Let us know in the comments section below!

1. iHungry: Cloud Based Free Food Finder (FFF) Algorithm

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You know this guy – affectionately known as the office vacuum, scouring the office halls for leftover food. Well, thanks to Technical Leader John Savic in our engineering group there’s an algorithm for that. iHungry identifies and prioritizes where free food can be consumed on campus.

2. Intra-Office Coffee Drip

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Does caffeine really affect office productivity? Electrical Engineer Steven Denke won’t even debate it – connect your employees to the coffee drip so they will never be farther than one IV away for the ultimate caffeine fix!

3. SnaFi: Snacks over WiFi/Snack Dispensing Node

What’s worse than being hungry, yards away from the closest snack machine? First world problem, yes, but thankfully there’s SnaFi. From the brain trust of Software Engineer Kedar K. Gaonkar, SnaFi seamlessly connects Cisco products to deliver a unique, unparalleled experience: the efficient delivery of snacks to employees. Dispense snacks at will!

4. CommodePresence

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We’re all about efficiency. Heck, we can order dinner from the treadmill with a few short clicks. What’s next? If Sales Account Manager Steve Rubin had it his way, it would be CommodePresence. A full-functioning single-piece toilet that is equipped with a wireless router, surround speakers, 1080P monitor with video camera, power source and conferencing voice phone for all your bathroom networking needs.

5. “Weird Al” Yankovic Song Parody Recognition Engine

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For the less musically inclined (or perhaps more musically evolved?). No longer scratch your head asking, ‘What song is Weird Al parodying?’ We have Legal Program Manager Chana Lajcher – and her Polka Face – to thank!

6. The Pinky Promise Dongle

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The Pinky Promise: the most sacred, serious, vow any kid on the playground has ever sworn to. If broken, you must suffer some serious consequences. Engineers Jeff Byzek and Mary Ellen Zurko know all about it. The adult, global version? This hardware/software integration brings the Pinky Promise to a USB dongle. Plug it in to your computer and let the intangible trust verification keep you to your word with friends around the world.

7. Cisco Hairband

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According to Systems Engineer Shuoru Wang, if Apple Watch and Google Glass had a baby it would be Cisco Hairband. With front and back cameras, Cisco Hairband gives a 360 degree panoramic view of surroundings. Its unique voice activated browsing and command control enables hands-free operations for most of its features and functions. No more looking over your shoulder!

8. Cisco Smell-O-Presence

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Computers have touch and audio on lock, but what about computers that can smell? The Cisco Smell-O-Presence solution by Systems Engineer Rick Frothingham captures and transmits the ambient smells of each telepresence room raising the bar on immersion of videoconferencing.

9. Internet Plunger / Roto-Router for Addressing Internet Performance Issues

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Bandwidth slow? Who’s streaming the latest season of House of Cards at work? Look no further than the Internet Plunger, a USB dongle that injects a fat high pressure packet through the Internet pipes to dislodge stuck bits and other debris on the perimeter in order to ease congestion and speed up the network flow. Will Technical Lead Dieter Weber solve this ubiquitous problem once and for all?

10. Cisco Cumulous Cloud Catcher (C4)

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We’ve all been there. The latest season of Downton Abbey purchased through iTunes, Game of Thrones on Google Play. How do we access both from one place? Behold: the C4 application from Engineer and Program Manager Jayne Booth. This app aggregates various digital media cloud accounts to make it one, seamless view into all their purchased digital media from iTunes, Amazon cloud, VuDu, etc.