You can eat whatever the fuck you want.
You can be as lazy as you want.
Like, really, really lazy to a point where it's humiliating, and still...NO ONE will judge you.
You can pull out the "Single Ladies" dance and ACTUALLY mean it.
You can rock a bad hair day and give zero fucks.
You can wear embarrassing pajamas all day, like a boss.
And even when you leave the house to party with other sexy singles.
No one will judge you for dancing like a moron.
You don't have to share the bed with some jerk who hogs the sheets.
You can move at a moment's notice without fear of any consequences.
You never have to worry about getting into fights about stupid shit that doesn't mean anything.
You stop being the annoying "friend with a boyfriend."
And if you do feel like dating, there are an endless amount of weirdos out there waiting to fulfill your fantasies.
You don't have to worry about normal grooming. At. All.
You can watch whatever the hell you want.
You can party on Halloween without looking like an idiot in some dumb couples' costume.
The toilet seat can be up, down, or Star Wars–themed. Doesn't matter. Just do your biznasty.
Hideous underpants can be worn freely, because you don't care who sees your junk.
You can drunk-sext random people, even if they don't like you that way.
You can fart and burp without shame, because there's no one to judge you.
If you don't want to clean your room, don't!
Same goes for the kitchen. Let your gross flag fly, smelly!
You don't need some lame-ass bowl to eat cereal.
And you can totally slut it up if you so choose, because you're single!