Because you might see that annoying couple who always works out together.
Or that jerk who's just trying wayyyy too hard.
Gyms are filled with ugly people.
Gyms are also filled with total weirdos.
You don't want to become one of those "humble" workout braggers.
Working out is ridiculously hard and no one should have to suffer through it.
People who work out SMELL HORRIBLY.
If you go to the gym, you'll have to deal with fun passive-aggressive notes.
Physical exertion is terrifying.
Because workout equipment is dangerous.
Seriously, do you want to fall to your death?
OK, JUST DON'T GO ON ANY EXERCISE MACHINES!
And let's be honest: You have no idea how to use those machines anyway. Just go home.
This article in Shape that says working out too much can make you lose sleep.
If you go work out, this creepy guy will be waiting for you.
And when you're done with the workout and just want to change, this guy will be — OH DEAR GOD NO.
If you fall at the gym, people will laugh at you.
Sweating is for whores in church, not you.
No one should have to see that weird workout face you make.
This is what happens in gym showers, and it's horrifying.
Why work out when you really just want to watch TV?
Instead of going to the gym, have some pizza!
Or sleep, because you've earned it.
Or laugh at people who are sweating at the gym, while you're home and comfy on your couch.
Why go to the gym when you could get pregnant? Or Pringles? Or both.
Yeah, don't work out today, it's total crap anyway.