1. Condoms that not only protect, but come with great pickup lines to make you feel très chic. imgur.com 2. The sterling silver condom necklace that's perfect to wear on a first date. etsy.com 3. The multicolored silk yarn condom sweater for your penis, or whatever. etsy.com But maybe a lady could wear it as a fun glove, too? 4. The fancy pack of condoms that are Jack Donaghy approved. edenfantasys.com 5. The super cute dinosaur that is also, apparently, a condom. willywardrobe.com Please note the company that sells these is called "Willy Wardrobe," which is great for all of your willy needs. 6. The heel condom shoe accessory. amazon.com "Heel Condoms are shoe accessories that serve to protect the heel and transform their look." 7. The Romney condom, because even though he didn't win the election he won this fine packaging. amazon.com At $1.50 that's a real steal! 8. The pack of condoms from the 1930s that you should definitely never, ever use. etsy.com 9. The Christmas felt condom pouch that's perfect for breaking the news that Santa doesn't exist. You know what does exist, though? Condoms. 10. Or you could splurge on the stocking that keeps on giving. undercovercondoms.com 11. The trucker hat that makes wearing a condom pretty cool. etsy.com Check out those sunglasses! 12. The hoodie that makes a great congratulatory gift for any new parent, or any old jerk. etsy.com 13. The Trojan pillow that helps you have safe sex dreams. etsy.com 14. The St. Patrick's day condom lollipops that will make you a hit at every pub. undercovercondoms.com Just don't accidentally try and swallow one of these. 15. The necklace every lifeguard should never leave home without. undercovercondoms.com 16. The pins made from condoms that make a great accent to your clothes, purse, or a condom in use. etsy.com They're called Condom Cuties, FYI. 17. The apron that will improve your skills in the kitchen sack. zazzle.com 18. The shirt your dog will just love to wear to the park! zazzle.com 19. The condoms perfect for "50 Fifty Shades Of Grey" fans. etsy.com 20. The phone cover that won't be embarrassing at all. zazzle.com 21. The bizzarre 1980s CIA condom gag gift. etsy.com 22. The mousepad that makes a professional addition to all office decor. zazzle.com 23. The earrings meant to symbolize safe sex, but that kind of look like two craters. etsy.com Incidentally, they do come with rubber enders. 24. The broken condom crocheted cap that will keep your head warm, but leak semen everywhere. etsy.com Sorry about that!