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May 10, 2013

21 Lies You Tell On A First Date

Save the truth for date 11.

1. "I've totally never been to this restaurant before."

Why you say it: You don't want to admit that you go on three online dates a week, and bring your dates to the same place each time.

2. "I don't date that often."

Why you say it: You don't want to sound too desperate. And you don't want the person you're with to feel like anything less than the most special starfish in the world.

3. "You love [insert ridiculous hobby here]? How weird, me too!"

Why you say it: You don't want to admit that you online stalked them thoroughly before the date, and already know that they dig video games. And now you do too.

4. "My parents and I are really close."

Why you say it: A first date isn't the time to bring up all of the minute details of the family dynamic. Like how you love your dad, but he loves reruns of Battlestar Galactica more... OR WHATEVER.

5. "My last relationship ended because we wanted different things..."

Why you say it: Because the last thing that's going to get you laid is talking about your ex.

6. "I noticed you right away."

Why you say it: Yeah, you noticed them. And about a dozen other people. But they don't need to know that. Nope, they do not.

7. "Horror movies are my favorite genre too."

Why you say it: Because you REALLY like this person, and will go ahead and be terrified if it means a second date.

8. "You look great."

Why you say it: You're buying time while you try to process why this person you met at a bar looks completely different now that you're sober.

9. "I really like trying new things."

Why you say it: You want to sound interesting, even though your interests are really just napping and eating, like everyone else.

10. "I workout a lot too!"

Why you say it: Your date will find out about your "physique" soon enough, no need to spoil the fun of your spare tire just yet!

11. "Yeah, yeah, I read a LOT. Like, Nietzsche, for example..."

Why you say it: You don't read at all, but the person you're with does. You picked this name out of a grab bag from what you remember of freshman philosophy.

12. "My job is pretty important."

Why you say it: It's not important, but that's just an insignificant detail.

13. "I'm just a hopeless romantic."

Why you say it: Your date is clearly a romantic person, and now you need to fake it till you make it!

14. "I usually just have one drink, but...What the hell! Let's get another round!"

Why you say it: You don't want to reveal your alcoholic tendencies quite yet.

15. "I'm really happy with my life right now."

Why you say it: A first date is all about fun! You want to save the "I hate everything and everyone" convos until date seven or eight, at least.

16. "I've been so busy lately."

Why you say it: You want to seem extremely popular, and not like you spend most Friday nights at home, with your cat, and some delicious Thai food.

17. "I should really get going. I have to get up early for work tomorrow."

Why you say it: Because you want to get the hell out of the date and never see this crazy person again.

18. "I'll get the check, they pay me a lot for what I do! LOL."

Why you say it: To sound impressive, even though you aren't.

19. "It was great to meet you!"

Why you say it: Because it's polite, and it's the universal signal for, "This is never gonna happen."

20. "Let's go out again sometime."

Why you say it: The date has gone horribly wrong, but you're worried the person you're with might be a psycho. So, you say this to make them happy, then immediately change your number.

21. "This was seriously, like, the best date ever!"

Why you say it: It probably wasn't the best date ever, but you REALLY like this person and want to tell them that without blurting out, "LOVE ME!!!"

On a serious note, though...LOVE ME!!! (???)

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