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FRASIER: Niles, I would shave my head for you.
NILES: A gesture which becomes less significant with each passing year.
NILES: I'm especially looking forward to something called the "munchies" stage. I'm thinking of pairing this Chilean sea bass with an aggressive zinfandel.
NILES: It's my dog, my new best friend.
NILES: Can I get a straw please?
CAFE WORKER: Oh, sorry, sir, that was the last one.
NILES: The last straw.
NILES: My Taekwondo instructor tells me I'm just two moves away from becoming quite threatening.
FRASIER: I'm sorry, Niles. I was afraid you were trying to get a picture of my butt.
NILES: How exciting to be present at the birth of a new phobia.
NILES: All my life I have dreamed of one thing: the day I could go into a library and go to the card catalog and see my name under "mental illness."
NILES: You know I don't lift.
NILES: Maris never held hands. She had a slight webbing — made her self-conscious.
FRASIER: What are your plans?
NILES: Well, I thought I'd sit alone in my cavernous apartment while rocking back and forth while hugging my knees.
NILES: If she realizes we've recognized her, she'll be utterly humiliated. OH, ROZ!
NILES: Hey, Frasier, am I dressed appropriately for something called Bananarama?
NILES: The city streets play havoc with her delicate little feet, so I have to go home and pumice her paw pads.
FRASIER: Oh, Niles, guess what thriving Seattle night spot is closing its doors.
NILES: Roz, you're moving?
NILES: I had my "fear of abandonment" workshop today and I've already been a no-show twice.
NILES: "5:07..." This one's hard to read. Oh! Right. "Wept uncontrollably."
LILITH: Niles, sorry to hear your marriage ended in shambles.
NILES: Ditto.
NILES: That woman is flirting with me. This is my "I'm available" face.
NILES: You touched me. Now we have to get married.
NILES: God, that was 20 years ago. Nope, still can't laugh about it.
NILES: I have to watch the Super Bowl?
NILES: We're not in trouble. We are trouble.
LILITH: Well, it's about an attraction that I thought was over and now I'm beginning to think maybe it's not.
NILES: Usually in my dreams this is where I try to run and can't.
NILES: Think of something comforting from childhood: a stuffed animal, a dog-eared copy of Middlemarch.
NILES: Now I just want to die! *Dies*
NILES: Oh, shut up, Frasier! THE ONLY THING MORE HOLLOW THAN YOUR PROTEST OF INNOCENCE IS YOUR BIG FAT HEAD.
ROZ: Do you see that obnoxious old lecher?
NILES: Well, you're going to have to be a lot more specific.
NILES: Oh, really? I don't have that [night] marked.
FRASIER: Because I'm taking a date.
NILES: Isn't that nice? "The 11th expect desperate last-minute call..."
NILES: You've given me something to mull over during my herbal wrap.
NILES: Ooh, should we attempt a high five?