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17 Starfish And The Grades They Deserve

There are a lot of different kinds and not all of them are good.

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1. Common starfish

- A standard starfish. The starfish you think of when you think of starfishes.- Would look good hot glued to a picture frame in your aunt's bathroom.- Kind of forgettable, the Ann Veal of starfish.- GRADE: B
en.wikipedia.org

- A standard starfish. The starfish you think of when you think of starfishes.

- Would look good hot glued to a picture frame in your aunt's bathroom.

- Kind of forgettable, the Ann Veal of starfish.

- GRADE: B

2. Necklace starfish

- A fancy, fun starfish. A starfish that shops at Chico's.- Textured and brightly colored, not unlike vomit after eating too much spicy salsa.- Probably drives a Jeep Wrangler.- GRADE: B+
en.wikipedia.org

- A fancy, fun starfish. A starfish that shops at Chico's.

- Textured and brightly colored, not unlike vomit after eating too much spicy salsa.

- Probably drives a Jeep Wrangler.

- GRADE: B+

3. Blue star

- Blue boy. So trendy.- Would sell you loose cigarettes behind the 7-Eleven.- Redefines starfish aesthetic while maintaining definite starfishiness.-GRADE: A
en.wikipedia.org

- Blue boy. So trendy.

- Would sell you loose cigarettes behind the 7-Eleven.

- Redefines starfish aesthetic while maintaining definite starfishiness.

-GRADE: A

4. Crown-of-thorns starfish

- A starfish that would make out with your boyfriend at prom.- Beautiful, but so mean. Like an older sister. - WHY CAN'T I JUST COME TO YOUR PARTY, LIZ?- GRADE: B-
Jon Hanson / Via en.wikipedia.org

- A starfish that would make out with your boyfriend at prom.

- Beautiful, but so mean. Like an older sister.

- WHY CAN'T I JUST COME TO YOUR PARTY, LIZ?

- GRADE: B-

5. Biscuit star

- A starfish drawn from a child's crayon.- A trustworthy starfish, a starfish you'd lend $1,500 to.- Just the right amount of whimsy; whimsically proficient.-GRADE: A
en.wikipedia.org

- A starfish drawn from a child's crayon.

- A trustworthy starfish, a starfish you'd lend $1,500 to.

- Just the right amount of whimsy; whimsically proficient.

-GRADE: A

6. Cushion star

- A bold refusal of starfish ideals.- Absolutely challenges starfish critics; a starfish that will be studied in art schools for years to come.- Looks a little like a spoiled tomato but still cool.- GRADE: A-
en.wikipedia.org

- A bold refusal of starfish ideals.

- Absolutely challenges starfish critics; a starfish that will be studied in art schools for years to come.

- Looks a little like a spoiled tomato but still cool.

- GRADE: A-

7. Giant spined sea star

- THIS is what I'm talking about, baby!!!!!- Respect to the starfish form with clear innovation. A starfish that GETS IT.- Part alien, part terrestrial, all perfect. Will it massage your feet? Maybe!-GRADE: A+
Flickr: edbierman

- THIS is what I'm talking about, baby!!!!!

- Respect to the starfish form with clear innovation. A starfish that GETS IT.

- Part alien, part terrestrial, all perfect. Will it massage your feet? Maybe!

-GRADE: A+

8. Red-knobbed starfish

- A sturdy starfish. Dependable, like a meatloaf.- Not afraid to let her hair down on the weekends.- But maybe...pandering? To the starfish lobbyists? Hard to say.- GRADE: B+
en.wikipedia.org

- A sturdy starfish. Dependable, like a meatloaf.

- Not afraid to let her hair down on the weekends.

- But maybe...pandering? To the starfish lobbyists? Hard to say.

- GRADE: B+

9. Common sunstar

- A verifiable butt hole. A detached anus.- No one ordered this, please send it back to the kitchen.- I am itchy.- Grade: C
en.wikipedia.org

- A verifiable butt hole. A detached anus.

- No one ordered this, please send it back to the kitchen.

- I am itchy.

- Grade: C

10. Southern sand star

- Hahaha, why am I scared.- A starfish you could buy at Hot Topic.- Good chance this starfish is made of a witch's finger bones and dark magic.- Grade: C+
en.wikipedia.org

- Hahaha, why am I scared.

- A starfish you could buy at Hot Topic.

- Good chance this starfish is made of a witch's finger bones and dark magic.

- Grade: C+

11. Nine-armed Sea Star

- Simultaneously doing too much and too little.- The tribal tattoo of starfish.- Definitely takes his dates to Applebee's.- GRADE: D+
en.wikipedia.org

- Simultaneously doing too much and too little.

- The tribal tattoo of starfish.

- Definitely takes his dates to Applebee's.

- GRADE: D+

12. Royal Sea Star

- Was this starfish famous on Nickelodeon in the '90s? Maybe.- A little try-hard. A little annoying. A little boring. A little ehh.- Cool teeth though.-GRADE: C-
en.wikipedia.org

- Was this starfish famous on Nickelodeon in the '90s? Maybe.

- A little try-hard. A little annoying. A little boring. A little ehh.

- Cool teeth though.

-GRADE: C-

13. Astropecten jonstoni

- Respectful of the starfish form, but doesn't add anything to the narrative.- I'm sorry I fell asleep.- Zzzzzz.- GRADE: F
en.wikipedia.org

- Respectful of the starfish form, but doesn't add anything to the narrative.

- I'm sorry I fell asleep.

- Zzzzzz.

- GRADE: F

14. Sunflower starfish

- OH YOU POOR THING.- What monster labratory did you crawl out of?- *sound of villagers rioting at the front gate*- GRADE: a sympathy B
commons.wikimedia.org

- OH YOU POOR THING.

- What monster labratory did you crawl out of?

- *sound of villagers rioting at the front gate*

- GRADE: a sympathy B

15. Orange brisingid

- An interesting take on what it means to be a starfish.- Could probably clean your toilet.- A good amount of flair without venturing into kitsch. Anna Wintour imperceptibly turns her head towards this starfish when he enters a room.- GRADE: A-
en.wikipedia.org

- An interesting take on what it means to be a starfish.

- Could probably clean your toilet.

- A good amount of flair without venturing into kitsch. Anna Wintour imperceptibly turns her head towards this starfish when he enters a room.

- GRADE: A-

16. Leather star

- It's a nice try.- But it's just not good enough in 2018.- Pattern reminds me of open sores. And not in the good way.- GRADE: D
en.wikipedia.org

- It's a nice try.

- But it's just not good enough in 2018.

- Pattern reminds me of open sores. And not in the good way.

- GRADE: D

17. Doughboy star

- YEP!!!- The best starfish there ever was, is, or will be.- Great name, even better attitude. A starfish we should all aspire to be. - GRADE: A++++++
en.wikipedia.org

- YEP!!!

- The best starfish there ever was, is, or will be.

- Great name, even better attitude. A starfish we should all aspire to be.

- GRADE: A++++++

ALL GRADES ARE FINAL see you in summer school.

giphy.com / Via Disney-PIxar

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