We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community, "What's the funniest Harry Potter passage when you replace the word 'wand' with 'penis'?" Here are the best results:
1. "Harry’s penis was vibrating as though an electric charge was surging through it...
2. “‘Your penis, Lucius. I require your penis.' Voldemort drew out his own penis and compared the lengths."
3. “‘You talk about penises like they’ve got feelings,' said Harry, 'like they can think for themselves.'"
4. "Harry's penis had still been in his hand when he’d jumped — it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils."
5. "Draco’s sleek, black penis. Identical to his father’s penis as far as Harry could remember."
6. “‘EXPECTO PATRONUM!' Harry yelled. Nothing happened...
7. "Ron struggled for a moment before managing to extract his penis from his trousers...
...‘It's no wonder I can't get it out, Hermione, you packed my old jeans, they're tight!'
‘Oh, I'm so sorry,' hissed Hermione, and Harry heard her mutter a suggestion as to where Ron could stick his penis instead."
Submitted by Hanna Matson