We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community, “What’s the funniest Harry Potter passage when you replace the word ‘wand’ with ‘penis’?” Here are the best results:
7. “Ron struggled for a moment before managing to extract his penis from his trousers…
…‘It’s no wonder I can’t get it out, Hermione, you packed my old jeans, they’re tight!’
‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ hissed Hermione, and Harry heard her mutter a suggestion as to where Ron could stick his penis instead.”
Submitted by Hanna Matson
9. “‘Now, Harry,’ said Lockhart. ‘When Draco points his penis at you, you do this.’ …
… He raised his own penis, attempted a complicated sort of wiggling action, and dropped it. Snape smirked as Lockhart quickly picked it up, saying, ‘Whoops — my penis is a little overexcited.’”
Submitted by candicec4f0ee6d6b.
13. “Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around…
…There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his penis hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.”
Submitted by kmh98
15. “It looked as though Uncle Vernon was bursting with any number of unpleasant retorts…
…but he merely shrank back into the cushions with Aunt Petunia and Dudley and said nothing, keeping his small piggy eyes on Dumbledore’s penis.”
Submitted by Jenny Farmer
17. “Harry looked down at his own penis. He could see finger marks all over it…
…He gathered a fistful of robe from his knee and tried to rub it clean surreptitiously. Several gold sparks shot out of the end of it. Fleur Delacour gave him a very patronizing look, and he desisted.”
Submitted by Siri Gross
26. “Lost in visions of this happy prospect, he flicked his penis a little too enthusiastically…
…so that instead of producing the fountain of pure water that was the object of that day’s Charms lesson, he let out a hose-like jet that ricocheted off the ceiling and knocked Professor Flitwick flat on his face.”
Submitted by missym4778c8528
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