From The Perspective Of A Fangirl
We will find a way through the dark.
I have read an endless amount of articles and posts about Zayn leaving One Direction in the past forty-eight hours. I have scrolled through my Tumblr dashboard, which is full of other girls, boys, and women who love this band with their whole heart, and I have gone through my Twitter timeline where I see thousands of angry, heartbroken, posts by those in the 'fandom'. I feel connected to all of these people, people who I may not know or whom I have never talked to because we all have these things in common: we love this band more than we could explain to another person, and we are absolutely shattered that something like this has happened.
This is a stupid reason to be upset to a lot of people. I have been laughed at and mocked for being upset in my place of work by both customers and the people I work with. I have deleted people off of Facebook and unfollowed them on Twitter for laughing at the fans for being so ridiculous over 'a guy leaving a band'.
But for millions, it feels like more than that. It feels like the end of an era.
One Direction fans are more than just fans. We are a family. We are so closely knit and intertwined because of these five guys and the music they make that not much could break us. We stand as a united force against everything, whether it is another fandom bullying us for the things that we love, or tabloid rumours speculating break ups, cheating scandals and alleged drug use. We stand by those boys through thick and thin, good and bad.
I never understood what it was like to love something this much until I was in too deep. I remember I saw This Is Us in theatres on the day it came out because a girl I had recently befriended was a fan. I went because she loved One Direction enough to travel across Western Canada and part of the United States to see them numerous times, claiming that each time had been better than the last. I didn't understand; I had been a fan of a few of their songs, but I had never fully wrapped my head around the obsession.
And then I saw their movie. I walked out of that movie theatre wanting more. I downloaded all of their music. I started buying posters of them and magazines written all about them. I saw that movie in theatres ten more times. I started following fan accounts on different social media sites because I wanted to be a part of something that made me feel the range of emotions that I did sitting in that theatre. I cried, I laughed, I had goosebumps throughout the entire thing.
I was accepted into this community easily and became wrapped up in all of it. It very quickly became obvious to me why people (not just girls: people of all ages and genders) became so enthralled with these five boys from the UK: it was about more than just the music. It was about being connected and finding people with the same passions as you. It was about feeling less alone in this great big world where you might not have anybody close enough to touch that understands you.
Inspiration is found in the strangest ways, and for a lot of us, this band is part of that. There are thousands out there who began making art of these boys and for these boys. Millions of fans everyday are on Wattpad reading and writing fan fiction. I am not ashamed or embarrassed to say that I read Anna Todd's "After" series before it was published; her fic was the first I ever read and inspired me to start writing, something that I've become so passionate about. Songwriters and musicians have written songs about them: Ashley Frangipane, now known by Halsey, wrote a song called "SOS" about Harry Styles; lesser known soundcloud user 'jerseygreenII' wrote "I"m Alright" as a Haylor breakup song from Taylor Swift's perspective. Some are now making a profit off of these creations, things that have been inspired by their love for a boyband.
I have made friends for life because of this band; some of which live in my hometown, others who live around the world but who understand me nonetheless. These are people who come to me with their problems, who listen when I have my own, and who love to share the amazing, beautiful things happening for the five boys who brought us closer together.
And when the news broke that Zayn would be leaving the band permanently, we all found solace in each other.
The thing that people don't understand about this all is that there is more to this than just a liking for the band, or a sadness over Zayn leaving. Many of us are proud of him for doing what he needed to do and putting himself first. We are upset because this band something that we have come to know and love more than almost anything, and for the first time ever, we have been shown that is not permanent. We are seeing the fragility of it all and how these boys are more than just the celebrities put on a pedestal; they are easily broken and lost, just like us.
We are sad because we don't know how each of them is feeling. They are more than our idols; in a way, they are our family. They are the guiding forces in what has become our everyday life. Some people turn to these boys when everything has gone wrong for them and they are more than just a distraction, they are a beacon of light when all hope is lost. You listen to their music or you watch a couple interviews and you remember how to smile for a little while.
We are in mourning of something that we have grown with. A lot of these fans have been around since the X Factor days, some not as long, but each and every one of us has spent what feels like a decent chunk of time loving these boys as a fivesome, and the idea of just the four of them continuing, while plausible, is heart wrenching in its own way. Change is not one of the things we want in a fandom, especially not a change like this. We will accept it, though. We, as a whole, will continue to love One Direction as a fivesome and a foursome. And we will love Zayn and the others individually no matter what happens.
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