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1. A glass pitcher from The Pioneer Woman collection so you always look like the hostess with the mostest — even if you're a rookie.
Promising review: "I love this pitcher. It looks great! It's heavy and of great quality. I look forward to seeing it on my table each evening during dinner. You won't be sorry if you purchase this." —StitchingBelle
Price: $12.72 (three colors)
2. A trio of gold-finished mirrors that'll be the fairest of them all (other than you, that is).
Promising review: "The mirrors look pretty, not cheap looking at all. They are just the right size for a small guest bathroom. They make the room look brighter and more sophisticated. Can't beat the price! Very pleased with my purchase." —HappyShopper
Price: $14.77
3. A faux-peacock shag pillow, because you should alway be showing off your pad.
Price: $8.88+ (four colors)
4. A colorful serving tray to hold you over until you can finally afford a butler.
5. A metallic skirt so you can twirl into the new year free of boring pants.
6. A quilted down alternative blanket that'll make lounging in bed all day look sophisticated.
7. A metal lamp with three display shelves for sneakily creating space in small apartments.
8. A metallic decorative pillow to update the couch you bought on sale several years ago.
9. A set of three mixing bowls so you have a strong start when you attempt baking. I believe you'll need eggs....
10. A velvet plush metallic throw that'll make your next Netflix binge actually insta-worthy.
11. A pair of heeled booties for stomping out dreary winter apparel.
12. A copper pineapple sipper to use in the dead of winter when you can't take the cold anymore.
13. A metallic bar cart so your Franzia suddenly looks first class.
Promising review: "This cart is beautiful!! It's the best accent piece. I was worried it would look cheap considering it is way less expensive than others, but it is fabulous!!" —mowmow1212
Price: $59
14. A pair of jacket earrings that'll put a sparkle in everyone's eyes without dimming your savings.
15. A ruffly blouse for preventing parkas from squishing all of your adventurous style.
16. A set of three wooden cutting boards to suitably prepare for your Chopped audition.
17. An inexpensive dinnerware set so you can still afford your daily takeout orders.
18. A geometric chair that'll create a pattern of impressed guests.
19. A trio of metallic candle holders for lighting up the room but not burning all your money.
20. A butter dish and shakers to make your takeout look like it was prepared by Ina Garten herself.
21. A fabric shower curtain so your guests are overwhelmed with fascination, even when in the loo.
22. A gold cactus that'll make your place look sharper than ever before.
23. A metallic shower caddy, because nothing in your pad should leave you feeling like a ~scrub~.
Promising review: "I recently moved to a new home with nowhere to place products in the shower in the master bath. This product is perfect! I have room for shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, and a place to place a washcloth or pouf inside the shower. The shelves provide great storage for tall/large bottles of products, as well. Fabulous purchase." —MRSATX
Price: $26.79
24. A glossy coffee table to easily upgrade your living room with a modern touch.
25. A knitted pouf so your bum always gets the pampering it deserves.
26. A set of vases for convincing people that plants stay alive under your care.
27. A knitted hat with faux-fur to top off resiliently fashionable ensembles — snow be damned.
When someone asks "where did you get that?":
The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.
