1. "Every time I bring back the ball he just throws it again."
2. "I can't remember which plants I've already peed on."
3. "I'm too lazy for the last step. Send help."
4. "Come back later. I'm very busy feeling sorry for myself."
5. "This carpet is my only bae."
6. "I can't even remember what I can't even about."
7. "Forty-eight whole minutes until dinner."
8. "If I had opposable thumbs, maybe I could cook my own bacon."
9. "Nobody ever wants to sniff my butt anymore."
10. "I'll never catch that damn squirrel."
11. "The movie was sad, so I ate it and I'm still sad."
12. "You mean we don't even get a two-hour delay?"
13. "Somebody ate my bone. It was me. I ate it, and now it's gone."
14. "If you're listening, God, then please...grant me the ability to catch my own tail."
15. "Somebody filled in the hole I dug. Now I'll never get to China."
16. "I just realized that cats will never know what it's like to be a dog."
This post was created by a member of BuzzFeed Community, where anyone can post awesome lists and creations. Learn more or post your buzz!