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13 Everyday Struggles Of The Modern Vampire

All that glitters is not gold. With Halloween on the horizon, it's time for modern vampires to speak their truths.

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1. Everyone is always asking you where the rave is.


It's not your fault that you light up like a disco ball every time the sun hits your skin.

2. You'll never be a "summer".

The CW / Via

Your skin is way too pale to ever be anything but a "winter" again. You can kiss your dreams of wearing mauve or cerulean goodbye.

3. Blood is an absolute bitch to wash out.

Hemdale Film Corporation / Via

Vampirism is all fun and games until your down to your last pair of underwear on laundry day. *sigh*.

4. Your mom is ALWAYS on your case about your room.

Warner Bros.

Geez, she's such a NAG.

5. Everybody’s always saying, “Oh, like the vampires in Twilight?”

Summit Entertainment

What if we went up to every human we met and were like, “Oh, like the humans in Fifty Shades?” Rude.

6. Your family reunions are insane.

The CW

One of the drawbacks of immortality? Your extended family goes back to the Ice Age.

7. Humans think vampirism is “kinky”.

I am so much more than my immortal affliction.

8. Biting your tongue is the LITERAL WORST.

The CW

These incisors are no joke.

9. Humans keep assuming all vampires know each other.

The CW

"Oh my gosh, you're from California! I have a friend in California, do you know anyone named Suzanne??"

That's what you sound like.

10. You can never go out to a decent Italian restaurant.

HBO / Via

The garlic just gets you every time.

11. You're constantly missing new episodes of Scandal.

Ugh, 9 p.m. is WAY too early to come out of my crypt.

12. Every Halloween, humans be like:


Seriously, guys? It's been thousands of years. Isn't there some other mythical species you can irritate?

13. Humans in general.


Hopefully this post served as a PSA to you human folk as Halloween draws near: just because we are beautiful, immortal, and are probably going to eat your sister doesn't mean our lives are easy.

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