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55 New Year's Resolutions That Are Actually Doable

Let more cheese into your life.

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1. Update your phone software. It's time.

2. Do a good deed and don't tell anyone about it. Don't even tweet about it.

3. Try out an exercise class that doesn't fill you with dread.

4. Clear out your wardrobe. Be brutal. Anything pre-2005 must go.

5. Change up your look by parting your hair on the other side. Quickly decide it looks weird and change it back.

6. Expand your repertoire of jokes. Anything with "knock knock" in it works.

7. Let more cheese into your life. Cheese is great.

8. Go on a cheese toastie crawl.

9. Catch a fly in your hand then convince everyone who witnessed it you're a ninja.

10. Visit your GP for a check-up so you can finally stop worrying about that shoulder that always makes a weird clicking noise.

11. Maybe register at a GP if you haven't done that yet.


12. Limit your takeaway consumption to once a week.

13. Say "no" to pizza once a month.

14. Perfect your pout. Repeat "prune" over and over until you get it exactly right.

15. Leave a note for your friend listing three things you love about them. Try to make it sweet and not creepy.

16. Host a dinner party and prove once and for all that you're a proper grown-up.

17. Try and save one fancy coffee (£3) a week.

18. Get a piggy bank to put your fancy coffee money in and then feel smug about it.

19. Set up a regular saver account to automatically save a small amount of money each month.

20. Then blow it after six months on a holiday. Because TRAVELLING.

21. Finally work out which side is your "good side".

22. Go vegetarian for a month.

23. Go vegan for a week.

24. Make a green smoothie and drink at least half of it.

25. Successfully take in those too-big trousers you bought because they were on sale.

26. Sew a button on something. Anything.

27. Return over 50% of an ASOS order.

28. Download a language app and learn how to say hello in seven different languages before never using it again.

29. Organise your desk by putting all your pens in a mug you stole from the office kitchen.

30. Take out a gym membership and then visit their sauna. Sweating is exercise.


31. Reaffirm your knowledge of all the lyrics to the Fresh Prince of Belair and Pokemon theme tunes.

32. Read the first and last pages of a few really intellectual novels so people think you're well-read.

33. Memorise three Nietzsche quotes to pull out in any given conversation.

34. Develop a party trick. It can involve spoons.

35. Block any exes numbers. Or anyone that you would regret drunk texting.

36. Achieve a solid three out of your five a day. Fruit pastilles don't count.

37. Purge any *toxic* friends. Doesn't have to be a full on break up, but maybe start seeing them less than once a week.

38. In fact, just start prioritising your friends. Because maintaining friendships is exhausting so only see the good ones.

39. Splurge on some really lovely new bed sheets in the hope you will get more sleep and also maybe lure someone into your bed. Nice bedsheets are like human catnip.

40. Walk or bike to work, then gloat loudly to everyone sat in the immediate vicinity.

41. Buy an extra large box of condoms at the pharmacy to improve your local checkout person's opinion of you.

42. Develop a signature dance move.

43. Work out which flavour crisp is your definitive favourite.

44. Buy a flask, so you can start spending less on booze in restaurants and bars.

45. Red wine has antioxidants, so drink more red wine.

46. Challenge yourself to eat an entire pint of ice cream in one sitting.

47. Complete a video game and only look at a walkthrough, like, twice. Ok, three times.

48. You don't have to ask out your crush, but hover around them a bit more than usual so there's more chance they'll ask you out.

49. Don't show up hungover for work one Friday of every month.

50. Or at least put a Berocca in your tequila slammer the night before.

51. Eat breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day. A banana you half-ate, half-smushed down your shirt when running to catch a train counts.

52. Consider taking a walk. Contemplate the idea ~really~ hard.

53. Get through all your Netflix "recommended viewing".

54. Survive 2016.

55. Put a cup of tea down because it's too hot, forget about it. Think "ooh, I'd love a cup of tea" and remember it. Discover it's NOW THE PERFECT DRINKING TEMPERATURE.