The REAL TRUTH About Sex Being FEMINIST
Let me start off this article by saying that I am 100% a feminist. I am all for the empowerment of women and men, and working toward creating a more equal playing field between both sexes. I love that pop culture today is finally taking a good hard look at the way we talk about, treat, and act toward women. I know that although we are not perfect, this feminist 'movement', if you will, is helping to shape the future for both sexes, in every aspect of life… but back to the whole 'not perfect' thing. There is one major thing I notice when sex and feminism is discussed in a majority of articles that I have read: when empowering females sexually, it seems that more often than not, men are seen as the objects that women can, and even making it seem as though they SHOULD use for their pleasure.
As someone who pretty recently joined the world of sexual active-ness, I can say that it is not really at all what I imagined it was supposed to be like. My boyfriend and I (who were both virgins when we had sex with one another for the first time) have had quite a few spats and arguments about sex and our differing sex drives. I'm sure, in any relationship scenario, that sounds pretty normal. The exception of my case, though, is that in every spat, we are arguing about the fact that I am the one who always seems to want to have sex, and not him.
When I first started dating my boyfriend, I was surprised by my feelings toward sex. Something I once saw as foreign, scary, and taboo was now something that I wanted to, and gladly did on a regular basis. I am an avid reader of online articles, magazines, and Buzzfeed posts, and with this feminist movement that is dominating the mainstream right now, I found it pretty easy to conclude from those articles that I have a right to be a sexual being, and nobody should be able to take away that right. I can conclude that wanting sex and going out there and getting it is not something to be ashamed of, but instead, celebrated (so long as I take precautions to protect myself from STD's and pregnancy). From reading those posts, I got a very "You GO,girl!" attitude toward sex, and after abstaining from doing anything sexual all throughout my teenage years, you could say that I was pretty okay with the idea of going out and getting what I want… Until I realized that my boyfriend has a much smaller sex drive than I do.
Don't get me wrong, my boyfriend always is respectful, kind, and loving with me. He is great at what he does in all areas, and when we do have sex, he loves it. He just does not have the same sort of tendency to want to have sex that I do. Being an equal and loving partner to him, I SHOULD just be able to 'keep it in my pants' so to speak, but after becoming accustomed to believing that sex is something that I am entitled to from reading online articles, I became very confused and hurt whenever my boyfriend said that he was just not interested in getting it on that day. Some thoughts that came to mind would be, "But everytime YOU want to, we do", or "He's a GUY! Isn't he supposed to want to have sex all the time?" With the litany of complaints running through my mind about the way that things are 'supposed' to be, and the self-entitled 'empowering' things I was spouting to my boyfriend about how he is supposed to want to have sex with me at any and all times, I was too caught up in everything to realize that if the roles were reversed, and my boyfriend was practically begging me to have sex with him and making me feel guilty when I didn't want to, it would seem like a borderline sexual abuse situation. And realizing that made me realize that guys really do deserve a little more credit than what they seem to be getting handed in some of society's writings these days.
It has always been thought out to be that men are sex-starved animals who want one thing and one thing only. When rape, sexual assault, and guilt-tripping for sex are discussed, it is almost always portrayed as a man victimizing a woman. Girls are brought up to think that they should not want sex quite as much as men, and that when they do want to have sex, any guy will want it twice as much and will do her on the spot… but those things just aren't true in so many cases. My boyfriend is the best guy I have ever met. He is smart, he is kind, he makes me laugh every single day that I am with him, and he makes sure all of my emotional and care needs are met, and when we are both 'in the mood' and feel like getting physical, he gladly does so and is very generous in his acts. So what makes it okay for me, or anyone else, make him feel like any less of a man when he doesn't want to have sex or get physical? Nothing should make that okay. I am not suggesting that women need to suppress their libido whenever their partner tells them to, but rather than telling women that their needs need to be met whenever and wherever they so please, we should educate women to understand that though sex has been somewhat of a male-dominated act for such a long time, that taking away their power to say no or emasculating them whenever they aren't in the mood is NEVER okay. I had to learn from experience, and I think that it's wrong. Do I get frustrated when I am ready to go and my boyfriend puts on the breaks? Of course! But it is never okay for me to act on that frustration to put down my man or guilt him into something he really is not comfortable with doing at that time. Let's give guys a little more respect, and REALLY try to even out this sexual playing field. Sex should be a safe act for every single person who chooses to pursue it, regardless of gender, race, age, or sexual orientation. That way, when both parties want to get down and dirty, it will feel so much better knowing your other half wants it just as much as you do.
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