Honey, We Need To Talk About Gotham's Season Finale

On Monday, May 4, 2015, Gotham ended its freshman season with a bang. In Episode 1 x 22, "All Happy Families Are Alike," many crazy things took place and left Gotham fans hungry for the second season, and I am no exception. Alas, we must be patient, young grasshoppers, but until then, we need to talk about Gotham's season finale. So, here goes!

1. Fish is back (all reign the Queen of Gotham)!

Fish has come back. On a boat. This is sort of like The Phantom of The Opera; except with street kids and no music beyond the sounds of train tracks.

2. Bruce Wayne is reminiscing about days gone by "two weeks later."

Kindly indicated by the text on the bottom of my screen as "TWO WEEKS LATER," the span of this shooting war and how long Fish has hidden her return to Gotham is very hard to believe.

Alfred agrees with me, and is also questioning whether Bruce is looking for secrets, or "just breaking stuff." Although Bruce says he's just looking for secrets, I know better than that. How do I know this? Think "a snow-globe being thrown," "young love," "betrayal" and "angst-y teenage stuff," and maybe that will ring a bell.

3. Penguin no longer feels.

Perhaps taking out the trash will improve his attitude. Respect your elders, Penguin, even if they don't understand you.

4. Penguin just can't wait to be the king.

He's anxious. He's ready. But is Gotham ready?

Oh, who gives a crap about Gotham? The city's doomed anyways. So what does it matter if Gotham's ready for a psychopathic politician or not? Hell, they're ready for serial killers and shooting wars; stuff that normal cities AREN'T ready for!

5. Jim just unleashed his inner Rambo.

No one could've said it better than Alexis Nedd:

"RAMBO JIM IS MY FAVORITE JIM!!!"

6. Gordon has now realized that he needs to make better friend choices.

Gordon has been hanging with the wrong crowd. I am being literal, using slang and punning when I say "hanging," so don't get me wrong: I think Penguin is a GREAT influence on Jim (sarcasm).

7. Penguin is on fire!

It's a lonely world, and he's a lonely bird. So he's gonna let it burn, "babes."

8. Gotham fails to notice that this would have been a great time to bring Harley Quinn into the show.

I mean, Harley Quinn's civilian identity is Dr. Harleen F. Quinzel, who is a highly intelligent psychiatrist dealing with crazy people daily. Why didn't Lee insist on sending Barbara there?

And there's gotta be SOMETHING illegal about Lee doing this. Don't you need a license or some sort of certificate?

9. Gotham Doesn't Realize The Need For Both An Explanation And Spin-Off Show For This Woman.

This woman just looks like one of those ladies that carries a carpet bag around town and tries to look richer than she actually is.

AND I NEED TO FIND OUT WHO SHE IS.

Anybody else with me on this?

10. Penguin and Fish seem to be having a cat fight over who Butch's loyalty is to.

It was basically like a throw-down between an ex and a current partner. Oh, wait, wasn't there already one of those in this episode?

But never fear; Butch can't decide who he loves more, so he shoots both of them. Then he and Fish make me start shipping the two of them. Of course, my ship was short-lived, as Penguin basically went bat-spit crazy and pushed Fish of off a building, because Butch loved Fish more than him and Penguin couldn't take any competition.

11. Penguin will never truly be "royal," but "babes," he will rule.

LONG REIGN THE KING OF GOTHAM!!!!!!

12. Kristen isn't fooled by Ed's bad lying; and sadly we CAN'T be fooled because most of us have watched "Under the Knife."

We all know that Kristen knows what Ed hopes she doesn't know. But we all know. Ed makes it WAY too overt.

13. Ed feels the love tonight, and Kristen has no clue.

I can see what's happening: she doesn't have a clue. Not when it comes to what Ed's feelings for her have made him do. She can't read between the lines without a HUGE hint, so how can she put the pieces together without some HUGE marquee reading: "You may have attracted a budding psychopath"?

14. Was this camera angle necessary?

The guy filming this scene really had way too much fun highlighting just how much Ed wants Kristen. This was an indelicate way of showing that one of the main things Ed likes about Kristen is her butt.

15. Join the dark side, because now we are finally able to offer you Edward Nygma.

I know, he was at odds with his dark side.

Cue Kelly Clarkson's song "Dark Side" with Ed singing:

"Everybody's got a dark side

Do you love me?

Can you love mine?

Nobody's a picture perfect

But we're worth it

You know that we're worth it

Will you love me?

Even with my dark side?"

For most Gotham fangirls, the answer is yes, we will love you, Ed. Especially with your dark side.

However, Ed, I hate to be the overt one here, but if you are asking Kristen this, the answer is probably going to be "NO."

16. Ed makes himself laugh, but nobody else is in there to laugh with him.

I hate to make light of this amazing scene (props to Cory Michael Smith for his great acting in this defining scene. I applaud you, CMS), but I think in this very scene, Ed realized that he lacks in social skills and that he needs a friend.

17. The moment Ed was at war with himself was like taking a trip into The Twilight Zone.

I'm sorry, but really, this was a genuine trip that Gotham took into The Twilight Zone. I feel a little woozy right now just thinking about it, but it's nothing compared to the dizziness I obtained watching this one scene.

18. FINALLY there is a face that perfectly describes all of my emotions and Ed is that face.

Everything that Ed's face in this picture says: "I am riddled with frustration, thanks to the world I'm freaking stuck on." Life will always be an enigma to both me and Ed, which is why we are both so frustrated: we will NEVER be able to understand the curse of life.

19. Alfred is so paranoid that he thinks Thomas Wayne would rig the house with bombs.

The tables have turned, and now Bruce is the calming voice of reason.

For some bizarre reason, this scene reminds of another scene where a guy tells his friend that he only has 24 hours left to live and the guy gives his friend a present and promises that it's not a bomb. But actually, he's a terrible friend because...#LiesAreLies

#OnlyOnGotham

20. The cave that Bruce walked into at the end of the episode may or may not be what we think it is.

We were left wondering what was going to happen next, but what if it wasn't as grand as we thought it would be?

People say that it's the Bat Cave, but this is me and my friend's theory: Bruce's dad and his friends spent all of that time that Bruce said they were inside of the room, in the Man Cave.

Bruce will probably say: "So that's where they hid the junk food! What else had my father been hiding from me? Oh, my god, there's sixty monitors on the wall, all broadcasting the Seattle Seahawks game."

21. Both Alfred and Bruce's face was pretty much my face when the episode ended.

When you leave someone hanging like that and you have pictures from the episode like this, there are bound to be complaints such as this one.

THAT'S A WRAP! (For season one, that is.)

As always, if you loved this, WE'RE COOL; if you hated this, well... a SLOW, PAINFUL DEATH FOR YOU.