15 Valentine's Day Date Horror Stories That Will Make You Glad You're Single
Buy your own chocolate and save yourself the trouble.
1. This smoking-hot date:
"We went out for dinner. She leaned in to kiss me, and her hair got caught in the candle. She didn’t realize and proceeded to spread the fire to my very nice dress shirt. She then blamed it on me. Never saw her again."
2. This emo farewell:
"The guy I'd been seeing gave me black and dead roses, saying that's how he saw our relationship: dead."
3. This last-minute change:
"I had been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. His mom HATED me 'cause he was her 'little boy.' On the way to the restaurant, my boyfriend decided to turn around so we could take his freaking parents with us. Things were never the same after our surprise ~double date.~"
4. This ruined ~flow~:
"My date actually bought me a whole outfit for Valentine's Day!!! But lo and behold, my brand-new, WHITE dress got ruined by Aunt Flo. He saw the mark forming, and in front of everyone around us said, 'Really, Hailey? How childish. You couldn't have held it in?' Guys are jerks."
5. This poor gift-giving:
"My then-boyfriend surprised me with a gift, and it ended up being a shirt of mine that I had left at his place."
6. This unrequited love:
"During my freshman year of college, I was hopelessly in love with my best friend. On Valentine's Day, he asked me out to lunch. We were together for an hour and a half before he revealed that he actually had a girlfriend and that 'she'd really love me.'"
7. This presumptuous fellow:
"On the way to the restaurant, he was telling me how he'd cracked his phone screen, and when I glanced at his phone, I realized that the background was a picture of me. After only knowing him a week!"
8. This high school vomit machine:
"Once in high school, I was asked out on Valentine’s Day with a big teddy bear and roses...the whole shebang! However, I had nausea that morning and threw up all over the guy and the gifts. Oops!"
9. This third-wheeling mom:
"Valentine’s Day 2009 was a day that will live in infamy. My then-boyfriend planned for us to drive to a nearby winery for a tour and dinner — but he invited his mother. To make matters worse, his mother called to tell us she was running late and demanded he put me on the phone. I managed a weak, 'Hello?' and she screeched, 'I’LL BE THERE WHEN I GET THERE! GO BUY HIM A STEAK AND GIVE HIM SOME PUSSY AND BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!' I was horrified. Worst Valentine’s Day EVER."
10. This man on a mission:
"We were having dinner at a restaurant, and suddenly he jumped up and ran to the bathroom. After about 45 mins, I got worried and went to check on him. As it turned out, the guy who went into the bathroom before him was his dealer and they were in there getting high. This was not only Valentine's Day, it was our FIRST date."
11. This candygram catastrophe:
"At my high school, students could send Valentine’s Day candygrams to each other, and my long-distance boyfriend somehow arranged to send me some. But a few days before the 14th, he broke up with me for another girl. Come Valentine’s Day, I received candygrams every hour from him, telling me how much he loved me and how he couldn’t wait to see me again."
12. This 7-Eleven romance:
"This guy had asked me out a few times, and I'd said no every time, but I decided to give him a shot for Valentine’s Day. I got in his car and he drove me to Quick Chek (picture 7-Eleven and Subway combined). He paid for only his sandwich, and then he just dropped me off at my dorm. The whole excursion was 15 minutes. I had no problem saying no when he asked me out again."
13. This mathematical mistake:
"The guy I was dating gave me six red roses for Valentine's Day. I thought it was weird to only get six roses when they were usually bought as a dozen. Turns out, he'd actually bought a dozen roses and given the six other roses to six other girls."
14. This naked breakup:
"I had been dating this guy and was really falling for him. He said he wanted to plan everything for our Valentine's Day date. He loved astronomy, so he picked a spot and brought a small telescope and showed me all the constellations. I was on cloud nine. I changed into something sexy and invited him in. He got undressed, got in bed, and then told me he couldn't do this anymore. He basically got undressed to break up with me. He said I deserved a really nice Valentine's date before he did it."
15. And this near-death experience:
"I went out with a guy I'd seen a few times before. He surprised me by bringing a box of chocolates. He knew I had a severe tree nut allergy, but the box didn't have one of those guides in it. So, we made a joke of it where he'd eat part of a piece, and if it was nut-free I'd finish it. Well, there was one chocolate that definitely had nuts in it because I immediately started swelling. I couldn't breathe, see, or hear. Luckily we made it to the hospital in time and everything was fine."
—Cirrus Cloud, Facebook