Orange Is The New Haiku

If you watch "Orange Is the New Black," then you know the characters often ponder things deeper than whether to binge-watch Season 3 when it comes out. From syllables to SHU, everyone needs to do some soul searching every now and then when in Safe Space.

Alex Vause

http://E.A.

I’ve been told I’m tall.

Don’t come to me with your love.

Fuck Jessica Wedge.

John Bennett

http://E.A.

Yeah, tobacco’s gross

But I’m totally reading

Please eat the spinach.

Carrie "Big Boo" Black

http://E.A.

Under the mattress

Found something sharp, made it soft

Poor peanut butter.

Cindy "Black Cindy" Hayes

http://E.A.

iPad’s a great gift.

Got to screen you, pat and check.

No, I don’t have kids.

Brook Soso

http://E.A.

Just at Bonnaroo.

I’m making friends already.

Hey, don’t yell at me!

Cal Chapman

http://E.A.

Today is the day.

No, I didn’t kill this meal.

Tempura car scent.

Joe Caputo

http://E.A.

Scatter! Run, nuns, run.

No, you are not the father.

Beer Can in high school.

Miss Claudette Pelage

http://E.A.

Why not just ask me?

I’m going to see an old friend

Hot-plate mac and cheese

Dayanara "Daya" Diaz

http://E.A.

I am not Popeye

I have no power; you do

No, Ma, no Spanish.

Natalie "Fig" Figueroa

http://E.A.

Embezzlement? Ha.

Any problem, come to me.

You — do you work here?

Susan Fischer

http://E.A.

Spit out the biscuit

Maybe Sideboob’s not my thing

Looking at tech schools

Gina Murphy

http://E.A.

I was burned and spurned.

Thought the gravy tasted fine.

Sensitive monthly.

Gloria Mendoza

http://E.A.

Oh, need gluten-free?

Don’t get incarcerated

You’re stale like these smokes.

Sam Healy

http://E.A.

Please write feelings down.

Do not swallow that corgi.

I’ll trim the toenails.

Janae Watson

http://E.A.

I just kept running.

Did not lose the screwdriver.

Back again to SHU.

Larry Bloom

http://E.A.

NPRMIGOD!

One sentence, two prisoners

Send me your tutu?

Leanne Taylor

http://E.A.

Stop! Don’t talk to me.

I could win this rap battle.

You’re bossy, Tucky.

Lorna Morello

http://E.A.

But the tub was warm

And the dress should have been mine

God damn Rihanna.

Joel Luschek

http://E.A.

It’s like a loose check.

I’ve thought of Vause and Chapman.

Didn’t text Fischer.

Maritza Ramos

http://E.A.

Pizza of the earth

Who wouldn’t want pizza, right?

What’s stuck on my head?

George "Pornstache" Mendez

http://E.A.

The ‘stache is back, bitch

You must keep waiting for me.

Poor spelling; safe sex.

Nicky Nichols

http://E.A.

Wow! I was kidding.

You’re clearly bat-shit crazy.

Different with family.

Norma Romano

http://E.A.

Oh, I saw the light.

Praise the lord, I saw the light

Now I’ll be quiet.

Scott O'Neill

http://E.A.

I sing to the nuns

Care about anatomy

I’m sorry, Wanda

Piper Chapman

http://E.A.

Steal me something good

Do not get me in trouble

Fuck you, dishwasher.

Polly Harper

http://E.A.

I do deserve that.

I did mention marzipan.

You need Chinese food.

Poussey Washington

Accent à droite, bitch.

Scissoring? That’s not a thing.

Can’t sleep when in love.

Galina "Red" Reznikov

http://E.A.

Start plotting revenge

Grow veggies, feed your family

Punch her lower down

Rosa Cisneros

http://E.A.

Kiss before, after.

They won’t pay for what I need.

Always so rude. Drive.

Sophia Burset

http://E.A.

Holy shit, I’m hot.

I do give you my blessing.

Heidi Klum shit time.

Suzanne "Crazy Eyes" Warren

http://E.A.

No, Mommy, I can’t!

Pie for dandelion’s light.

Caution: floor is wet.

Tasha "Taystee" Jefferson

http://E.A.

Looks blue but tastes red

At least I know my place here

Let’s just cuddle, k?

Tiffany "Pennsatucky" Doggett

http://E.A.

I'll have to kill her.

She didn’t call him “Mr.”

Just look at my dress!

Tricia Miller

http://E.A.

Love is not enough.

The cousin uses Neptune.

Mercy? Just voicemail.

Wanda Bell

http://E.A.

It’s just procedure

Like I want to see that there

Please just cough and squat

Yoga Jones

http://E.A.

I didn’t mean to.

The deer kept eating the weed.

Electrocute hand.

More lines needed!

Add your own hiaku in the comments. Not every character has been covered here, and those included probably have a lot more to say in this form!