You spent months living in Paris and after your inevitable homecoming, you were ready. At first being able to openly wear sweatpants and having access to reasonably priced peanut butter and iced water felt prettttty good. Once that feeling of "I'm home!" wore off, you realized that, for better or worse, Paris had changed you.
1. Screw recycling bins. Empty wine bottles are now known as “carafe d’eau.”
2. Wearing lipstick is no longer an option — it's a necessity.
3. A baguette will never be the same again.
Le sigh...
4. Those annoying, impossible-to-fold maps finally have a purpose: being the centerpiece of your wall decor.
5. You go from this...
...to this.
6. You forever wonder, "Where is the one-Euro wine?"
7. You notice that an unacceptable number of men dress like shit.
8. Cheese is higher up on your grocery list than toilet paper.
9. Many Americans become comparable to zoo animals.
10. New hobbies.
11. You hate your entire wardrobe.
12. And so you drain all color from your closet. Et voila, instant chic.
13. You forget about that whole cigarettes-cause-cancer thing.
14. Still not understanding how French people can consume the same amount of calories as us, and stay model-thin.
15. You curse all Porta-Potties while dreaming of these.
16. Bonus: It should be made clear that CitiBike is not, and never will be, Velib.
