31 Things People Who Live In London Are Tired Of Hearing
We apologise for the delay to this service.
1. Your rent is how much?!
2. This drink is so expensive!
3. £20 for a round?!
4. Have you tried [insert obscure burger bar here]? It's the best burger place in London.
5. We should go to this really cool new pop-up place in Shoreditch for dinner.
6. I'll just come for one.
You won't, you'll come for many and leave at closing time and then we'll go to McDonalds and probably miss the last tube.
7. Can you believe that one bedroom flat costs over £250,000?!
8. You could buy a three bedroom house in Manchester with that!
9. I've just bought a flat.
10. You will never believe what happened on the nightbus the other night.
I can hazard a guess it involved a complete weirdo and probably projectile vomit.
11. You are being held at ticket level because of overcrowding on the platform.
12. We're being held at this station because of a defective train further down the line. I'll update you when I have more information.
13. We're being held at this station because of a signal failure further down the line. I'll update you when I have more information.
14. We're being held at this station because the passenger alarm was rung on the tube in front of us. I'll update you when I have more information.
15. There are severe delays on the Northern, Central and District lines.
16. We apologise for the delay to this service.
17. There are planned track closures on the Northern, District, Victoria and Jubilee lines this weekend.
18. Can you move down the carriage?
19. PLEASE DO NOT OBSTRUCT THE DOORS.
20. The next train will arrive in five minutes.
21. Did you know that Angel station has the longest escalator on the entire Underground?
22. There will be a tube strike on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, with the last services leaving central London tonight at 8pm.
23. What are you up to this weekend?
24. Are you on Tinder? I only use it as, like, a joke.
A joke that'll get you laid.