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28 Secrets People Who Live In London Will Never Tell You

You've felt personally victimised by TfL, for starters.

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1. You have never gone to the pub "for one" and actually only had one.

What you actually mean is, "I will come and have many, many drinks and stay until closing."


5. You've come far too close to people's armpits/faces/crotches on the tube.

10. You've pretended to have plans at the weekend to get out of doing stuff because you're too bloody knackered.

London is tiring, OK?

11. It doesn't matter how many times you've seen it, you still get excited when you pass an iconic London landmark.

And then of course, you Instagram the shit out of it.


13. But then London looks this pretty at night and you get overwhelmed and all is forgiven.

15. You have seriously contemplated pretending to be asleep to avoid giving up your seat on the tube to a pregnant woman.

You might have actually done it too, but that's too awful to admit here.


19. Several nights a week, your dinner will consist of something from Chicken Cottage. Or a bag of crisps.

Not, you know, an actual meal.

20. You never fail to be surprised at just how BIG London is, and how it takes quite a while to get from A to B.

Just "popping over" to see a friend on the other side of the river can take up to two hours.


21. You have wanted to start indiscriminately killing tourists who don't just STAND ON THE FUCKING RIGHT.

It's not hard.

22. You have no concept of what "cheeky midweek" or "Friday night" drinks are because you're in the pub every night.

DGAF though.

23. You have to leave London every so often just to chill the hell out. And, you know, see some green stuff.

27. But every so often, something will happen that'll remind you that Londoners can be pretty fucking great.

28. And you genuinely can't imagine wanting to live anywhere else.