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    21 Things That May Actually Give You Some Damn Privacy

    Please respect my privacy at this time...and at all times.

    1. A pair of oversize sunnies to ~silently~ tell folks to mind their own business.

    2. A blunt doormat as a preview for anyone who won't take a hint.

    3. A hooded travel pillow for achieving the ultimate in comfort and your *obvious* desire to be left alone.

    4. A weatherproof driveway sensor that dings when it detects motion...so you're not caught off guard when someone selling stuff you don't want comes to the door.

    5. A set of faux security cameras β€” they may help scare away any prowlers.

    6. A zombie eye mask to make someone feel (rightfully) awkward about interrupting your little death.

    7. A pair of blackout curtains that are perfect for snoozing or basically throwing a rave and not letting any nosey neighbors know β€” at least when it comes to visual cues.

    8. A pair of noise-cancelling headphones so you can drown out the world and lose yourself in some sweet tunes or a game.

    9. A sweatshirt that spells out your canned response for anyone who approaches you on the street.

    10. A sliding do-not-disturb sign that's going to look so good on your office door.

    11. A roll of pretty window film to obscure any lookie-loos' peeks into your home while stilling letting in natural light.

    12. A huge pack of noise-cancelling ear plugs fit to be worn during especially noisy activities, like shooting at the range, working with power tools, moshing in the pit at a show, or just trying to get some sleep next to your snoring bae.

    13. A roll of faux vines to make it harder for pesky neighbors to get all up in your business.

    14. Or a bamboo privacy panel so you can start from the ground up without letting the neighbors see every little weird thing you do ON YOUR OWN PROPERTY.

    15. A giant umbrella, lest you have to feign an interest in Janet's story at the kids' soccer game.

    16. A set of loud-and-proud trespassing signs because you want folks to take a hint before they resort to actual human interaction.

    17. Or perhaps a subtler sign that'll catch the attention of anyone snooping.

    18. A collapsible tent for changing in public without getting arrested!

    19. A googly eyed windshield shade that'll make your coworkers feel a lil' awkward about looking to see if you're eating lunch in you car again to avoid the break room.

    20. A soothing noise machine so it sounds like you're snoozing by a babbling creek in the woods instead of in the middle of a noisy city.

    21. A roll of *legit* CAUTION tape you can claim you're just putting up for Halloween.

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