I graduated from a residential high school in Louisiana in 2011. At that time, all of the "girls" stayed in the "girl's dorm" and the "boys" stayed in the "boy's dorm". The students at this school were allegedly, and arguably, some of the brightest in Louisiana. Whether it be incredible artistic talent or the ability to use mathematical models to contemplate Black Holes. The only talent I had was being remarkably gay.
Or at least I thought that was my only talent. In my first two years of high school, I got propaganda about this magical school where students who really cared about their studies came together to explore academia. I knew immediately my dream was to attend that school. Each time I brought it up to my parents, they said they would think about it but never did until the summer before my junior year of high school.
I grew up in a household that took being "gay" very seriously. The second time I was "caught with a girlfriend", I was 15 going on to 16 years old. My parents then sent me off, they didn't want me in their household anymore. So off I went to this residential high school, to hopefully make something of myself despite my unbelievable gayness.
My first year there wasn't bad. Sure, a few people stared at my girlfriend and I holding hands. Sure, a few people called me a dyke--but I was happy. For the first time I had a gay professor, and it was treated like no big deal. For the first time, I could actually take my girlfriend to dances.
All of this slowly changed when I came out trans. Firstly, I was one of the first ones (or at least that is known) to come out at this school as trans. They didn't know what to do, and I was never asked which living situation was best for me.
So I decided to just roll with being in the girl's dorm. I thought "hey this can't be so bad, right?" I was wrong.
***If you are wondering what point I am making, you will see soon. These stories are for those you think that trans people are the problem. These stories are for those that think we put more kids in danger if grant trans students rights.****
One semester while at this school, the "girls" had to be moved into a building with community showers. Immediately, my stomach fell through my butt in nerves. I knew, knew, knew someone was going to try something.
In the hallway right outside the bathroom was a sign set up by the R.A. It said "The Ladies of (such and such hall)". My friends and I decided it would be nice to take a sharpie and write Ladies & Gentleman, to note that not everyone who was forced to be in the "vagina dorm" actually identified as a woman.
I walked off to my room. I needed that victory.
Earlier that year, I had to deal with professors talking to each other about "the trans student". Earlier that year, I had to deal with people telling me that "you make a pretty girl, why would you ever want to be a boy". Earlier that year, I had to deal with the other teenagers telling me that sex with me could never be "real" because I wasn't really a boy.
Earlier that month, I had to deal with students asking invasive questions about my body.
Earlier that week, a girl grabbed my crotch in the hallway and said "I don't feel a penis yet". Later that week, the same girl pulled the curtain on me to humiliate me for speaking out about what she did.
I needed that victory....
A few hours later, I go to heat up some Mac & Cheese and see someone scribbling on the poster. I walk up to them. I had ace bandages around my chest, because I didn't have access to a debit or credit card to order the manufactured kind. I take as deep of a breath that the bandages will allow, and see a girl writing over the Gentleman part.
I ask "Hey! What are you doing?" She looked at me (and still to this day I remember her shiny black hair..) and said "I'm correcting it". I calmly say "It was correct as is".
She put her hand on her hip and laughed "You aren't a boy, you will never be a boy".
As much as I want to punch a wall each time this flashback comes mind, I don't blame her. The school administration put me in a dorm that sent the message "this is not a boy, do not treat him like a boy".
They sent that message each time a professor called me by the wrong name in my classes. They sent that message when I had no protections. Even if I wanted to press charges for the obvious sexual harassment I faced earlier that week, I didn't have parents who supported me. I didn't have money to hire a lawyer. And I didn't have the schools support to protect me against those girls.
Many of us are getting frustrated about these laws. Quite frankly, I am too. I will never understand why others feel like trans people can't decide for themselves which dorms, locker rooms, and bathrooms they belong in.
I belonged in the boy's dorm. My boyhood was taken from me. Later that semester, I attempted suicide. I felt like the world didn't want me to exist. I felt like I was going to be invisible, so what was the point?
Obama's guidelines would have enabled me to enact this right for myself. I am glad that future students will be able to receive this right. Every student deserves to be recognized and affirmed by their school.
I may never be considered a man by those jerkoffs from high school, but I would have loved to be considered as valid by my school. Where was my justice?
And to those that who think like that girl: She's right, I wasn't and am not a boy. I am a man. I am one heck of a fucking man, and I deserve rights.
I am a man asking you to support the Obama guidelines, perhaps you could save a life.
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