Children come into the world in various different ways. Furthermore, families are formed in drastically different ways. Some children are heavily planned, and some are not. Some require more legal work for their conception or adoption, and some do not require much legal work.
This does not make them any less special.
There are people in this world that will say that since your father carried you, your family is somehow more unnatural than others.
Every step of the way you will be questioned. Your existence will be questioned when I, your father, come forth and tell the world I plan on having you. There will be people (both who identify within the trans community and those that do not) who will say your father is just "doing it for attention". There will be people who will turn up their nose and not help your father and mother bring you into the world.
Your race will be questioned. Your sperm donor will be questioned. Your gender will be questioned. People will feel the need to express their concern every step of the way.
From when you are just a blastula to a fetus to a baby to even a teenager—people will claim we (your parents) are forcing our political beliefs on you.
I want you to know now that none of this is really true. You are incredibly loved. The mere thought of you came to your father and mother while your father was in his first year of graduate school. We are currently building support for you. There are several adults who are friends of mine, your mother, and the rest of the family—who already love you so much more than many children have.
You will be surrounded by a super queer family because of who your parents are. There may be moments you don't like this, but I can promise you it is all out of love.
You are going to be a few years in the making. Some families only need 9 months to bring in their children—some need some more time.
For your family, we will need a lawyer. We will need to research about sperm donation. We will need to research which parenting groups and preparation classes don't make assumptions about the gender of the person giving birth. We will need to research which hospitals allow men to give birth. We will have to prep for a law suit in case our rights are not adequately met.
Some people will never know their father. Some fathers will joke about the mothers doing all of the infant care. Some fathers have to work so often that they never get to know their children. Some people grow up with fathers who have harmful views of masculinity and femininity.
You will never have to question my love for you. I will always be there for you. For you, your father will carry you. He will experience your first kick. He will know your food cravings from when you are fetus in his womb. I will always be there to defend you.
I will teach you about rape culture. I will teach you about racism. I will be there for your first bike ride, your first ice-cream, but I won't be there for every first. As you grow into the world and yourself, there will be times when you will be on your own.
In these times, you might want to reflect back on your parents and the critics of your mere existence. Instead, I want you to reflect on this letter and know that—you are never alone and you are always loved.
In short: there will be people who question how you came into the world and who you are raised by—but for every person that feels that way there are four more who are so excited to meet you and give you love to grow.
When building a good garden, you have to plan out its "bones". Planning the garden of your life, little darling, will take years and a lot of effort. Then once we get the seed and plant it, there will be people who will try to tear the soil apart. But your father will always be there protecting you—keeping you safe.
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