The Star Wars/Republican presidential candidate mashup you've been waiting for
There are really only two news stories people will be talking about this week: the fifth Republican presidential debate and the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Although seedier areas of Vegas may resemble Mos Eisley, tonight's debate will bear little to no resemblance to the fifth film in the Star Wars saga (The Empire Strikes Back). However, there are similarities between Star Wars and the GOP candidates. Look no farther than the latest click bait poll from Ipsos. Herewith for your entertainment (and education), the Republican presidential candidates and their Star Wars villain doppelgängers.
Given that former Vice President Dick Cheney has fully embraced his Darth Vader persona and the Koch brothers fit the role of the great dark power behind the scenes, here are where the nine candidates on the debate stage tonight best fit in the broader universe of Star Wars villainy.
Sen. Rand Paul is Greedo
He always tries to pick a fight with a more popular character, but he never ends up winning. And their hair/head bumps looks similar.
Gov. John Kasich is General Grievous
He may be flashy and fiery in the fight, but he's always left wheezing to keep up with the frontrunners.
Carly Fiorina is Darth Maul
An exciting new character with a unique set of attacks whose 15 minutes came and went too quick.
Former Gov. Jeb! Bush is Count Dooku
An older gentleman flush with cash; he supposedly has lots of friends, but the only people you ever see him with on screen are his donors.
Sen. Marco Rubio is Boba Fett
A super cool and much-hyped young gun…until you look a little closer and realize that really, there's not much there.
Dr. Ben Carson is TK-421
Submitted without comment.
Donald Trump is Jabba the Hutt
A decadent mogul living in an opulent palace, reviled and despised across the galaxy. Also, most likely to be strangled by a slave girl and hang frozen humans on his walls. (this is not the kind of post that would make cheap Jabba the Hut-Chris Christie or Mike Huckabee comparisons)
Sen. Ted Cruz is Salacious Crumb
A shrill creature that sits on Jabba's lap and laughs at all his applause lines.
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Gov. Chris Christie is Sebulba
A fierce competitor with a gangster persona, known for 'creative solutions' when it comes to the transportation plans of his enemies.
Sen. Lindsey Graham is Grand Moff Tarkin
His machismo dictates that the use of military might is the sole way to get things done.
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Here's to hoping Wolf Blitzer can be as wise as Obi Wan
*A special thank you to @grahamofarabia for the assist
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