1. An adorable mini vacuum to help you get rid of all those crumbs that are somehow in your bed.
2. Some Pourfect mixing bowls that'll allow you get every bit of batter our without making a total mess.
3. An organizer hanger...because it's about time you gave all your tank tops a home, other than in that giant pile of clothes you have on that chair in the corner.
4. A cutting board that grips onto the table so you don't accidentally send it flying.
5. A pair of eyeliner stencils so you can finally have a straight freakin' line and not an everywhere-but-your-eyelid line.
6. A hot air brush because messy hair, you *want* to care.
7. A clothing steamer to help prevent those "I woke up like this...in my clothes" moments.
8. Some wine sippy cups because pouring some out for the homies, intentional or not, is totally overrated.
9. Or if you're not a wine drinker, a beer sippy cup. Corona ads never talk about the sand violence that plagues beers on beaches.
10. Some adult bibs that'll leave you lookin' super fresh while still catching drips and drops.
11. A makeup storage display so you can organize your vanity and not have foundation leaking out everywhere.
12. Some Shout Wipes for when you inevitably spill something on your white shirt. Why are you even still trying to wear white shirts?
13. A wallet that holds everything you own because your purse should not be a black hole of despair — like it currently is.
14. A makeup and hair protector so your face doesn't end up on your collar. Again.
15. Some drawer storage boxes to make the dig for your underwear or socks each morning a little less traumatic.
16. A lunch bag that converts into a placemat, so you never leave behind any evidence of your mess post-picnic.
17. Some no-tie shoelaces so you can stop all those random gravity checks.
18. Makeup-brush scrubbers because your brushes don't need to fall victim to your sloppy ways.
19. A Staybowlizer to stop your bowls from sliding all over the place.
20. An adjustable closet rod because until you move, you aren't going to magically have more closet space.
21. Can toppers for when you need to put a lid on it.
22. Wine Wipes specifically created to destroy the receipts from last night's "glass" of wine.
23. A handbag organizer so you can stop screaming, "Where the f#@k did I leave my bag?!" when you're running out the door.
24. A deodorant-removing sponge. We get it. You wear deodorant.
25. A bowl for an easy chip-to-dip-to-mouth voyage.
26. Face-cleansing towelettes so you can make sure you get every bit of makeup off before it ends up on your pillowcase.
27. Fashion tape for perfectly tailored clothes that stay in place, even if you don't know how to sew.
28. A caddy so you can find everything when you step into the shower without your contacts.
29. Coasters that'll remind you to not destroy your beautiful table.
30. A pair of grippers to help stop everything from sliding around all over the place — bonus! They'll help open jars, too!
31. Gel nail polish–removing caps to make sure your manicure doesn't look like a dog's chew toy.
32. A place mat for help figuring out where everything should go (because there's a ~special~ place for everything, apparently).
33. Underarm pads so you don't ruin you outfit with your own sweat.
34. A mascara shield to ensure you don't end up with mascara all over your face, as per usual.
35. And an eyeshadow shield so your makeup goes on the top part of your eyes — not the bottom.
36. A keyboard you can literally wash. Goodbye piles of crumbs that were calling your keyboard home!!!!
37. And this T-shirt because fuck it — you're sloppy and you know it! Embrace it!
The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.