RUSH LIMBUG
Labels: INSECTS
Great news! - We're adding a new category to the Blog - INSECTS. These will not be your garden variety insects that we have all come to know and hate (e.g., ants, bees, spiders, etc). These are the social and political insects that we have all come to know and hate.
Insects will be added on a periodic basis. Our first selection is a most annoying as well as potentially dangerous pest - the RUSH LIMBUG.
The Rush Limbug (in Latin: Rushassaholeus) is one of the most insidious pests on the planet.
PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS
The Rush Limbug is noted as one of the fattest beetles on the planet. It is unique in that, among all insects, it has the narrowest brain and scientist have yet been able to discover a heart.
The Rush Limbug has limited mobility as it can only move in one direction - to the right. In fact, if the insect veers left it dies. Given this limitation along with the insects' inordinate weight, in order to move forward, the Rush Limbug most violently lunge to the right, making ever growing concentric circles (commonly referred to as circle jerks).
RARE RASH LIMBUG AUTOPSY PHOTO
FOOD SOURCE
It is believed that, like most beetles, the Rush Limbug originally fed on plant leaves. However, As pharmaceutical manufacturing plants took over the Limbug's natural habitat in Puerto Rico, the beetle adapted and now primarily feeds on prescription drugs. In the Caribbean region, most notably the Dominican Republic, the Rush Limbug seems to prefer Viagra. In the most southern parts of the United States it's preference is pain killers such as Oxycontin, In all cases, the insect tends to over eat as demonstrated in this rate autopsy photo (on the right). As the picture clearly demonstrates, the Rush Limbug is able to consume a great deal of pharmaceuticals in a single sitting.
DEFENSE AND PREDATORY MECHANISMS
The Rush Limbug does not possess a visible stinger or chemical poison in the form that is most common in the insect kingdom. Instead, it's natural defense system is sound. Whenever it is threatened it makes a sound so venomous that causes it's prey to run or, in some cases, become comatose.
It's threat to humans is that the Rush Limbug has been known to enters through the human ear canal and implant itself in human brain tissue. Not only does this impeded the victim's overall intellectual process, it also creates a rare form of tourettes.
MATING HABITS
As a result of adaptive changes due to it's feeding habits, the Rush Limbug can now only mate after the ingestion of of Viagra or a similar pharmaceutical. Despite the fact that the male Limbug is abhorrent in appearance, it inexplicably takes on several mates during it's lifetime.
ERADICATION
Despite it's negative impact on mankind and years of scientific research, there has never been an effective pesticide develop to eradicate the Rush Limbug. On a more hopeful note, scientist do believe that is the planet continues to heat up as a result of global warming the Limbug will be unable to adapt and may become extinct. In the meanwhile, the only effective method of eradication is for humans to pierce the shell of the Rush Limbug one at a time.
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