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64 Thoughts I Had Rewatching "50 First Dates"

For the ex-Adam Sandler fans out there.

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1. Seeing Adam Sandler again is like turning on a tamagotchi. Full of nostaglia and regret.

2. There is NO way this guy pulls in all of those women.

3. And unless that last woman lives in a low-budget Bond film, she is not fooled by you talking into your sports watch, Henry.

4. Oh right, he's a vet. So he must be more sensitive than he sounds.

5. Those kids just joined in an insulting wife joke. Ew.

6. That penguin is the best character so far.

7. Um. Did he just slap a woman with a fish?

8. A colleague?

9. In front of people?

10. And then encourage a walrus to be sick on her?

11. That's the kind of "prank" that gets you a social media backlash and no sponsors.

12. I'm already done with Sandler, just watching for the penguin,

13. Ah, comeuppance. His boat is determined to take him down.

14. How big is this island if he's never met Lucy but has slept with every female tourist?

15. They're bonding over waffle forts. Quickly, Lucy, build one around yourself!

16. The post-flirt victory dance is something you save for getting home and turning on Taylor Swift.

17. But, to be fair, does happen.

18. Unhappily-married-friend spurs on bachelor. No-one surprised.

19. Unhappy-married-friend sets up tourists with single friend based on profile made of lies. He is the Tinder of the island.

20. So Henry pretends to get them drunk to get them to sleep with him? Different but still not ok.

21. Neither is the transphobic reference to his colleague.

22. Who now also works the bar?

23. Oh no. Lucy doesn't remember him. And from her point of view he's being creepy. Maybe you can remove "from her point of view" actually.

24. On explaining the car accident: "She and her father went to get a pineapple."

25. Two injured in car crash. Pineapple unharmed.

26. Lucy goes out for breakfast everyday. A lifestyle we all aspire to.

27. Pineapples for Thanksgiving? Are pineapples a celebratory fruit?

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28. Wow. I wonder if my commitment to someone will ever be tested by watching the same thing over and over again.

29. Maybe if I have kids.

30. Watching her brother show off his "gluts" was enough.

31. So Henry's boat is called The Sea Serpent. Which translates to: I am a knob.

32. Lucy: "Hey, if this guy is so desperate to meet me...he might be worth talking to". This is terrible logic.

33. Maybe one day, if you're really lucky, someone will pretend they can't read just to meet you.

34. Watching him put together fake roadworks to literally stop the girl in her tracks, you really can't help wondering if this is the next level in pick-up artist.

35. Also where'd he get the construction stuff?

36. Is this even dating? Wait. I know what this movie is.

37. It's 50 First Meet-Cutes!

38. Pretending to have a boyfriend to avoid the guy doesn't exactly say "meet-cute". But then neither did the moment when she almost ran down the penguin he planted in the road.

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39. They have her life pretty well organised but they haven't taxed her car...

40. I mean, her dad gives her a doctored newspaper every day. How did that happen?

41. Visiting the man with a 10 second memory feels more sad than funny. Fortunately, it's quickly forgotten as a plot point.

42. That missing year video though...

43. I enjoy the optimism of "oh, she has severe amnesia" and then "she'll need about an hour to get over this."

44. It affects her short-term memory, not her emotional range!

45. "I got her on the first try" - for anyone that wants a way to make a woman getting pregnant sound like a game of golf.

46. Dappled light can make so much romantic.

47. On the 12th date you are "entitled to unlimited boob action". Also, if you jinx someone they can never speak again.

48. Agreed, Lucy. Waking up with a strange man is legitimately terrifying.

49. Henry is annoyed that the doctor stole his walrus-themed penis joke. Doctor doctor, this is all he has.

50. The penguin is back and eating ice cream. Good.

51. Lucy is wonderful. She's going to give up her happiness so he can pursue his dream of studying walruses.

52. A break-up has never been so thorough either. He'll be erased from her life.

53. Those kids have incredible diving skills.

54. Henry is sailing through the tears. I have no idea how long he's been out at sea. He's going to dehydrate.

55. After realising she does remember him, I hope they say The Beach Boys brought them together. Wouldn't it be nice?

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56. In any other film that room full of pictures of him would be used as evidence.

57. In this case, it's just evidence of love and a medical marvel.

58. Surely, once you think she might be remembering something, you'd want to get her back to that doctor on the off chance that she might be able to live a full, memorable life.

59. Or by all means, take her to Alaska.

60. If you wake up on a boat but don't realise that's where you are at first, you must think you're having the worst hangover ever.

61. She's got a kid but how did they explain the pregnancy/birth to her? Wouldn't you notice that and freak out every day for the duration?

62. This raises a lot of ethical questions.

62. Each videotape explaining this is going to get longer and longer...

63. It'll basically be "The Hobbit". She'll never get through it.

64. Look at those glaciers though.

Thumbnail image credit: Sony Pictures

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