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    I Watched "The Bachelorette" Premiere So You Didn't Have Too — Here's All The Drama You Missed

    And that's what you missed on Bach!

    Helloooooo, Bach Nation! Welcome to your first installment of Bach in a Bite: The Official Bachelorette Recap.

    Clare Crawley's promotional image for The Bachelorette.
    ABC

    It's been so long since I've been able to spend too much time thinking about the love lives of strangers.

    Now, I'm not tryna be like the two-hour premiere, so let's dive right in, shall we?

    The season starts off with some safety precautions! All the suitors spent time in quarantine before moving into the mansion* so they could all smooch Clare while being COVID-free.

    ABC

    *The mansion they move into isn't the usual Bach mansion in Malibu, but a location near Palm Springs to make it easier to quarantine together.

    And so the procession started! I'm not gonna lie, some of these men blended together — because duh — but there were a few lads who stood out, IMO.

    Clare nervously waiting for her suitors to arrive.
    ABC

    Honorable mentions: The man who showed up in a bubble, the man who showed up in metal armor, and the man who proposed with a whoopie cushion.

    First, there was Eazy, who jumped through a paper wall that read "your future husband." I don't think he's the man for Clare, per se, but I do think he's gonna give GREAT comedic relief.

    ABC

    Then there was Blake Moynes, who was super sweet. The two ended up sharing a kiss after Clare expressed how much him checking on her during quarantine meant to her. I seriously thought he was in the running for first impression rose...

    ABC

    ...but that F.I.P. went to Dale. Moments after meeting him, Clare claimed that she "just met [her] husband."

    ABC

    Now, what would the opening night cocktail party be without a lil' bit of drama? This week, it came in the form of Tyler accusing Yosef of talking to other girls on IG while the suitors were quarantining. Yosef maintained his innocence — jury's still out on that one — and thus resulted in Tyler being the one sent home.

    Yosef looking relieved after receiving the final rose.
    ABC

    Several men also joined Tyler in going home on the first night: AJ, Chris, Jeremy, Jordan, Mike, Robby, and heart-on-his-chest Page. A fallen petal for each of our fallen suitors.

    Walt Disney

    Aaaannnnd, that's what you missed! Tune in next week — and the rest of the season — for the roses, the thorns, and everything in between!

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