How The Lie Can Spoil Your Relationships?
Love is not the same that is shown in the movie. It does not consist of romantic dates and kisses under the moon. Happy relationship is a hard work, based on mutual respect and patience. But the harmony can be broken with the lie.
Sometimes all of us lie to our couple. For example, underestimate the cost of a new dress
not to squander lovely husband nerves? Forget to mention about a friendly dinner with the
former, because it was not necessary, and the relationship we have now, are extremely friendly ...
And about a quietly smoked cigarette he does not need to know at all.
Little lie seems to be harmless. But there are situations where this little lie entails devastating. "All of us are people, and each of us has a little secret that the partner does not need to know. But sometimes off-stage information begins to threaten relations with your love "- says famous family therapist Andrew Marshall.
To smoke or drink alcohol secretly from your couple
It is not unusual to have a cigarette or a glass of wine with friends without prior call to
your husband. Of course, you are not obliged to report every time. However, if a smoking or
alcohol use becomes a permanent habit that you hide, it's time to reassess the situation.
"When you are trying to wriggle out from the walk with your couple in the hope to stay
home and quietly enjoy an evening cigarette, or go to bed later than him to drink a little. In such
a way you acknowledge that your values differ from the values of your partner," - says
psychotherapist Paula Hall.
The danger also can be in the fact that the follower habit begins to identify with his
partner control mechanism. "Both partners must talk openly to break this chain. And, if the habit
is not threatening addiction, one partner must allow the other to behave more independently.
Otherwise, the relations can get a form of "child-parent" that will destroy the normal relationship
between a man and a woman "- advises the therapist.
Meeting or communication with your "former"
Spend some time with an interesting new friend or maintain a platonic relationship with
the "former" is not so unusual. However, to keep this information from your couple is
unnecessary. The lie in answers to questions about where and with whom you spent the evening
shows that you don’t respect your partner. There is also a chance that innocent relationship can
escalate into something more.
"If you avoid truthful conversation with your partner – means that something is wrong in
your relationship. Even if you start with, just trying to keep the "status quo" in your family, it
will result in a continuation of the constant deception "- warns the doctor. - "And if the lie
becomes the daily norm of your life, it means that you are either subconsciously wondering
about a new relationship, or your partner control you so much that is simply impossible to share
any information with him, except the evening menu.”
You must be honest with your partner and be prepared to do the "secret" relationship. If
you ask for something quite reasonable (like lunch with the "former" every six months), talk
about it openly and without hesitation, ask what your partner feels about it - he is likely to try to
understand. If we are talking about regular weekly meetings, you can hardly count on his
approval. Put yourself in his place!
Secret spending of your money
Many of us use money to control their emotions. We go to the store and buy new clothes
and makeup to cope with negative feelings. But in family relationships serious waste of money
without the knowledge of your couple can be a critical challenge, especially if mystery shopping
becomes apparent in the acute financial situation (job loss or the birth of a child).
It is important to be completely open to discuss financial issues, according to the fact that
the money is one of the main causes of divorce.
One of the partners gets deep in the hobby
Distance and misunderstanding also begins to grow when one partner is seriously
interested in something: a new job, office or hobby. "A partner who" left behind "may be
disappointed and hurt, even if initially strongly supported his favorite in the new session," - says
psychotherapist Avi Shmueli. "The one that left behind, may experience tremendous stress trying
to catch up with his/her couple,” - says Dr. Shmueli. http://invite.dating
In this case, according to the psychotherapist, couples need to tune in to the discovery.
Less successful partner should try to think about why his couple gets so much pleasure from the
new situation.
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