Whiskey-coke- Classic. Just classic. If you're drinking a whiskey coke, you love America and you love having fun. Wherever the night brings you, you're going to be in a good mood and you're going to have a good time.
Whiskey-diet-Also classic, but girl classic. If you're a girl and you genuinely like whiskey, points for you because guys seem to love when a girl can drink like a dude and not have to sip, pinkies up, on a freakin vodka cranberry all night long. I've never understood it, but I DO know that whiskey beats vodka every single time. That being said, nothing ruins a good drink (or 7) like all the sugar that comes along with regular coke though, so I say go for it, order a diet! Not only are you pretty much guaranteed to always be somewhere that has diet coke, you don't get that nasty feeling when you've over consumed sugar, which means you can drink even more! Furthermore, a recent experiment performed by a good friend and drinking partner-in-crime proved that drinking diet coke as your mixer gets you drunker than regular coke as your mixer…are you really going to argue with science? It's a win-win, if you ask me.
Vodka-water-lime-You're a girl who's trying to convince herself that it's alright to drink her calories if her mixer is water. Bonus points because it hydrates you as well! But is there anyone out there that actually LIKES the way these taste? Is it really worth saving yourself the calories to drink vodka all night long? You tell me.
Vodka-cranberry-If you buy this, you fall into one of 2-no, one of 4 categories:
1.You're a girl and this is all you can drink/you're an underage girl
2.You're a guy purchasing it for a girl he's trying to take home/for his girlfriend who can't drink
3.You're a guy purchasing it in hopes of hitting on me, not yet realizing that by assuming I only drink vodka cranberries like a 12 year old child, he's already shutting himself down. At least get me a real drink man
4.You're a girl who wants to be out drinking but has just discovered she has a UTI and doesn't want to stay in, but also knows that cranberry juice does wonders to fix UTIs. Best of both worlds. BOOM.
Vodka-red bull-You're seriously committed to turning the fuck up. Usually a guy, usually THE guy most likely to text like a douche. "Bruh. BRUH." "The females here." "Dude I was so wasted that I ordered an Uber to take me home, but I already WAS home!" You know the type.
Rum and coke-You're a sophomore dude who hasn't figured out yet that whiskey is 12 times better than rum. Probably wearing cargo shorts in the summer and his high school letterman jacket in the winter. Let it go dude. Move onto some proper attire and proper liquor.
Rum and diet-You're a girl who doesn't know what she likes or what to order, but you do know you don't want to consume regular coke. Moving on.
Gin and tonic-You're trying to feel fancy, trying to be fancy, or just really like Christmas and drinking gin vaguely reminds you of Christmastime. You enjoy sucking down those pine needles, buddy.
Whiskey sour-You like whiskey but think the bar makes them too strong and you haven't yet learned to appreciate that, so you go for a milder version. It's okay, you'll get there one day.
Amaretto sour-You want to be holding an alcoholic drink but are too scared to actually hold a real one and get drunk. Alternatively, you're still insanely hungover from the night before, but you're participating in alcoholing and this is as close as you can get to drinking real booze.
Vodka sprite-For the freshman girl who hasn't yet discovered other kinds of liquor, but knows for sure she doesn't drink beer. Can be found wandering campus in the dead of winter wearing a mini skirt, heels, and no coat. Keep your chin up though, you too will outgrow this stage and discover that not only are there more delicious drinks out there, but you're also allowed to wear that heavy parka to the bars when it's 10 degrees outside. It gets better.
Bud light/Miller light/Coors/etc-Your classic cheap, domestic beers. Guy or girl, you can assume that anyone ordering themselves one of these American classics knows what they like and genuinely enjoys spending their time barstooling with friends in a dive bar on a Friday night. Also a go-to drink when you're having a hard time making a decision on how to start the night off, so you go to your old standby. Can't go wrong here.
Keystone/Busch/Natty-There are 2 distinct categories here:
If you're a guy, you're in college and drinking this cheap piss water because you're broke and about to kill the case before you hit the bars. Honestly, I can respect that. Carry on.
If you're a girl, however, chances are you're holding one of these fine brews gingerly between 2 outstretched fingers as you teeter around a fraternity house on your too-high heels during your first semester at college. You haven't acquired an appreciation for beer yet, but this was offered to you and you don't see any jungle juice yet so you figure you might as well bravely try to sip on this as you eye the pledge across the basement trying (and failing) to do his first beer bong. 2 pieces of advice for you, girlfriend: It gets better, so hang in there…and for god's sake go get yourself a bud light.
Tequila shots-Nothing screams "I don't want to get laid tonight" quite like a tequila shot does. You're either drinking to forget, or you're trying to prove to your s/o that you can do tequila shots AND still stay conscious long enough to bang later. As Joe Nichols sang, tequila does make her clothes fall off, but only because it's uncomfortable to sleep in pants. You won't succeed in this particular endeavor but it's okay, we all know it's not gonna happen once those limes come out.
Jager bombs-I don't know anyone who's ever casually ordered a jager bomb in a bar.
Those that do are celebrating something, or it's a special occasion. If you have a lot of bartender friends, they tend to like to order these too. When the bombs come out, any goals you had of taking it easy go out the window the second you throw it back. See ya tomorrow, good soul.
Vegas bombs-Ditto on the vegas bombs. Does anyone actually know what goes into a vegas bomb? They're really red and really sweet and they seem to come in succession after a jager bomb. They're like the little sibling, piggy backing around on the excitement of their older, more mature sibling, the jager bomb. Whatever, they're delicious, and shit gets weird when these go down.
Drink up, you raging alcoholics.
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