8 Reasons Why "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" Is A Terrible Rock Album

Sgt. Pepper is a lot of things. A great rock album ain't one of 'em.

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Any time somebody does a "Greatest Albums of All-Time" poll Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band is in the top 5, and more often than not, the number 1 choice. Sgt. Pepper isn't even The Beatles' best album. It's full of weird old-timey sounding songs -- it's an album that The Beatles's parents would've loved.

1. Not one song about rebellion!

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In 1967, there were anti-war protests, Civil Rights protests, the Summer Of Love, and general social upheaval. She's Leaving Home is about a girl running away from home. Oh but wait, it's told from the parents' point of view.

2. No songs about girls!

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Where are the aching pleas for your heart's desire? Where are the clumsy double entendre about sex? The only song that comes close is about meter maid. The Beatles give us a love song to cop, in 1967? Not cool.

3. Only two guitar solos!

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George Harrison may not have been a rival to Jimi Hendrix or Eric Clapton but he was an excellent guitarist. Here, he's relegated to two brief solos (on the title track and Good Morning). No wonder George hated Paul.

4. There's a song about home repair.

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You're fixing a hole where the rain comes in. Ok, great. Call me when you have an actual song lyric. If they were writing it today, they'd need a rhyme with "Bob Villa"

Added bonus, it opens with the most rocking' of instruments: a harpsichord.

5. No songs about cars or driving!

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From Chuck Berry's Maybellene to the Beach Boys' Little Duece Coupe, rock history is filled with songs about cars and driving. Here? Nothing. Maybe Lovely Rita is doing double duty as a song about the person who puts a ticket on your car?

6. They left off the two best songs!

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Despite being recorded at the same time as the bulk of the album, Penny Lane and Strawberry Fields aren't on Sgt. Pepper. It's like not inviting hot girls to your party because the guys might have too good a time.

7. One song basically just lists items on an old circus poster.

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John Lennon famously admitted in an interview that he saw an old poster for a circus and essentially transcribed what was on it for the lyrics to Being For The Benefit of Mr. Kite. If someone tried that today they’d be struggling for rhymes with “Gunther Gebel-Williams”

8. The whole album is a downer!

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1967 saw the release of Axis: Bold As Love by Jimi Hendrix, Surrealistic Pillow by Jefferson Airplane, I Never Loved A Man The Way I Love You by Aretha Franklin, Disraeli Gears by Cream, Who Sell Out by The Who, and The Velvet Underground & Nico. Those albums gave us songs such as "Little Wing," "If 6 Was 9," "Somebody To Love," White Rabbit," "Respect," "Sunshine of Your Love," "I Can See For Miles," and "I'm Waiting For The Man." Sex and drugs abound in this rock and roll.

The entire album reeks of "things were better back in the old days." In addition, they're worried about turning 64, there's a dead guy in a car, and Ringo's begging for help from his friends. C'mon, I want to paaaaaarty!