There Is Nothing Creepier Than Vintage Ventriloquist Dolls.

There are gobs of terrifying things in the world right now: Ebola, ISIS, global warming, the rise of the Warrior Cop, and the baffling popularity of Drake. But old pictures of ventriloquist dummies are more petrifying than all of these things put together times the square root of fear itself.

I mean...have you ever taken a good, long look at these things?

Because rest assured, they've been taking a good, long look at YOU.



People once found them amusing and droll.



THIS was once considered "fun."



"Hello, who's calling? Crippling Terror? Yes, I'll accept the charges."



Parents threw their children birthday parties and paid money for this. Good times!



Gadzooks! Racist and childhood-ruining entertainment in a classy 60 minutes? And how!



This is probably offensive but I'm too terrified to look at it anymore.



Fun Fact #1: 99.3% of homemade ventriloquist dummies look like they just opened the Ark of the Covenant.



Fun Fact #2: I will never sleep again and neither will you.



If—for some unfathomable reason—you still want more, check out the Vintage Ventriloquism group on Flickr. And for an extra helping of creepy, play a little Poulenc in the background.