The Definitive Ranking Of Family Restaurant Chains

Because sometimes a mozzarella stick is just a mozzarella stick.

35. Golden Corral

Pro: It’s all you can eat.
Con: You will probably lose your appetite pretty quickly.

34. Sizzler

Flickr: houseofhall / Creative Commons

Pro: It’s a great option for a place to go for dinner if you are joking.
Con: When someone takes you seriously, you are stuck going to the Sizzler.

33. Applebee’s

Pro: There’s one in just about every town now; you can always count on Applebee’s to serve you food.
Con: You can never count on Applebee’s to serve you good food.

32. Perkins Restaurant & Bakery

Pro: If you are going to Perkins, you may well be eating with your grandparents.
Con: Perkins serves the kind of food only your grandparents like.

31. Marie Callender’s

Flickr: naystin / Creative Commons

Pro: There are pies, so many pies.
Con: Everything else on the menu.

30. Red Lobster

Pro: They have Cheddar Bay Biscuits.
Con: You have to go to Red Lobster to get Cheddar Bay Biscuits.

29. Village Inn

Flickr: lobsterboy1980 / Creative Commons

Pro: You can order their pies online.
Con: You just ordered one of their pies online.

28. Olive Garden

Pro: They make a great lunch if you live in Grand Forks, North Dakota.
Con: You will lose all of your Italian friends if you admit that you have eaten at the Olive Garden.

27. Carrabba’s Italian Grill

Flickr: inazakira / Creative Commons

Pro: It’s not the Olive Garden.
Con: It’s pretty much the Olive Garden.

26. Romano’s Macaroni Grill

Pro: It’s a slightly better Olive Garden.
Con: It’s only slightly better than the Olive Garden.

25. Chevys Fresh Mex

Flickr: thomashawk / Creative Commons

Pro: It seems more authentic than the other Mexican options.
Con: It has the same level of authenticity of any Mexican option.

24. Outback Steakhouse

Pro: The Bloomin’ Onion is pretty much the best appetizer ever.
Con: Customers drinking Foster’s pretentiously.

23. Bob Evans

Pro: The breakfast is great and it’s served all day.
Con: They have non-breakfast items.

22.

Pro: Bottomless Steak Fries.
Con: You nervously wonder if they serve robin.

21. Bubba Gump Shrimp Company

Flickr: cubmundo / Creative Commons

Pro: If you are trying to get in a Broadway cast, chances are Bubba Gump has provided you with the ability to pay your rent.
Con: All of the most popular Forrest Gump quotations are everywhere.

20. T.G.I. Friday’s

Pro: It’s probably the best drinking option in your local airport.
Con: You are drinking alone at the airport T.G.I Friday’s.

19. Cracker Barrel Old Country Store

Pro: The rocking chairs are great when you are on a road trip.
Con: They market themselves to road trippers, but if you are eating at a chain, wouldn’t you want something faster?

18. Famous Dave’s Bar-B-Que

Flickr: 01-17-05_t-m-b / Creative Commons

Pro: It’s barbecue.
Con: Barbecue from a chain seems like blasphemy.

17. Ruby Tuesday

Flickr: nnecapa / Creative Commons

Pro: It shares it’s name with a great Rolling Stones song.
Con: It’s not a Rolling Stones theme restaurant.

16. Joe’s Crab Shack

Pro: You can get crabs!
Con: Way too many pubic louse pun options.

15. Planet Hollywood

Flickr: sonofgroucho / Creative Commons

Pro: Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Demi Moore and Arnold Schwarzenegger were involved in founding the place.
Con: While there once more than 100 Planets Hollywood, only 8 remain to serve you Celebrity Burgers. Not one is located in Hollywood.

14. Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville

Flickr: susannedavidson / Creative Commons

Pro: Is there a better place to have a cheeseburger in paradise?
Con: You may feel like you are wasting away.

13. Dave and Buster’s

Pro: It’s like an arcade for adults.
Con: People bring their kids.

12. Longhorn Steakhouse

Flickr: 27346873@N04 / Creative Commons

Pro: It’s not that bad if you like steak.
Con: Wait? You don’t feel like steak?

11. P.F. Chang’s China Bistro

Pro: It may be unauthentic, but the food isn’t half bad!
Con: Why are you eating at P.F. Chang’s? You have to have a better Chinese option.

10. Chili’s

Pro: It’s the only restaurant where you can order fajitas with English phonetics.
Con: It’s the only restaurant where you can order fajitas with English phonetics.

9. The Cheesecake Factory

Pro: As expected, the cheesecakes are pretty good.
Con: They serve you so much food, you never have room for dessert.

8. Benihana

Flickr: fanofretail / Creative Commons

Pro: Dinner with a show!
Con: You really just wanted sushi.

7. Buffalo Wild Wings Grill & Bar

Flickr: beleaveme / Creative Commons

Pro: It’s about as reliable as any restaurant for having your preferred sporting event on television.
Con: The pegasus bison in their logo is not a real animal.

6. The International House of Pancakes (IHOP)

Flickr: chrisandbabs / Creative Commons

Pro: You are no longer that hungover.
Con: You have one friend who is strangely obsessed with the place and you don’t know why.

5. Hard Rock Café

Pro: If you find yourself overseas desperate for a reasonable American meal, the Hard Rock Café is probably your best bet.
Con: Can you handle being labeled as a tourist?

4. Rainforest Café

Pro: At this point, the Rainforest Café is so theme oriented, it’s like visiting the 1990s more than visiting a rainforest.
Con: They don’t have SURGE available to drink.

3. Denny’s

Pro: They will put bacon on just about anything.
Con: It’s still Denny’s.

2. Uno Chicago Grill

Flickr: 45642240@N05 / Creative Commons

Pro: Despite what Jon Stewart says, Chicago Style Pizza is good.
Con: This is probably the best deep dish pizza option that you have if you don’t live near Chicago.

1. Gordon Biersch Brewery Restaurant

Pro: Garlic Fries and Beer!
Con: Your local brewpub is always the better option.

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