1.When you're five years deep into your crush's Facebook photos and you accidentally like one of their sexy-face mirror selfies from college.
2.When a calendar error made your entire squad think today was No Pants Day at the office.
3.When that fucking intern who's read all the Game of Thrones books casually tries to spoil the goddamn TV show for you, again.
4.When VP Biden gets a little too close to your special lady friend and you need to show him who's boss.
5.When VP Cheney tells your good buddy Pat Leahy to go fuck himself and you need to show Dick who's boss, even though you thought the way he said it was funny.
6.When Schumer walks in the room and you remember that you never Venmo'd him for that taco salad he spotted you last week.
7.When you’re ready to go home but Barbara won't stop vamping in front of the CNN cameras.
8.When you remember that you didn't have time to make yourself a bowl of Bran Flakes in the morning.
9.When you had an extra bowl of Bran Flakes for breakfast.
10.When your best friend has the audacity to tell everyone else why you were just crying in the bathroom.
11.When you're at church but all you can think about is whether Richard Sherman's playing tonight.
12.When you're totally ready to announce that you're running for president but the damned teleprompter is full of lorem ipsum.
13.When you have to leave the meeting early because something urgent came up and the free lunch spread finally arrives looking hella good.
14.When you are just so done with people arguing over whether you are a '60s radical or a '30s socialist.
15.When you've just watched Mickey Blue Eyes for the first time and you're saying, "Ayyyy, fugget about it!" to literally everyone.
16.When Obama grabs the last maple bar during National Donut Day at the White House and there's nothing you can do about it.
17.When you and your Union bros leave leave the club at dawn.
18.When you are trying to describe exactly how much milk you want in your mocha latte.
19.When you don't make it downstairs fast enough to catch your Uber and you have to watch it drive off without you.
20.When no one else is on the subway and you can manspread in peace.
21.When your assistant tells you how much money Hillary Clinton has raised for her campaign since you woke up this morning.
22.When another assistant tells you how much money Hillary Clinton has raised in the 30 seconds it took that other assistant to talk to you.
23.When you really wish you could just shoot laser beams out of your eyeballs.
