29 Lies You Tell Yourself Every Day

We’re all just trying to get by, alright?

6:00 a.m.
“I’m just going to hit snooze one time.”

6:09 a.m.
“I’m just going to hit snooze one more time.”

7:00 a.m.
“Sleep is more important than breakfast.”

8:00 a.m.
“Seriously, I’m getting up in five minutes. It’s okay if I leave a little bit late, there won’t be much traffic anyway.”

9:00 a.m.
“I’m a creative, intelligent person and creative, intelligent people never arrive on time.”

10:00 a.m.
“These fishnets are totally work-appropriate.”

11:00 a.m.
“Ditching my packed lunch to join my coworkers for lunch is such a good idea. Team bonding and all that.”

12:00 p.m.
“I’m only going to have four tortilla chips, and definitely no guacamole.”

1:00 p.m.
“This afternoon is going to fly by.”

2:00 p.m.
“Snickers are healthier than Hershey’s Kisses because they have peanuts.”

2:40 p.m.
“Snacking throughout the day is good for my metabolism.”
* grabs another Snickers *

3:00 p.m.
“I’m not going to look at the clock for an entire hour.”

3:13 p.m.
“Crap. Okay, seriously not looking at the clock again today.”

3:21 p.m.
“That clock is broken.”

4:00 p.m.
“I didn’t make it to the gym this morning, so I’m definitely going after work.”

4:52 p.m.
“There’s really no difference between me leaving at 4:52 and me leaving at 5 on the dot, so, I’m outtie.”

5:05 p.m.
“Traffic was really harsh, I wouldn’t have made it to the gym anyway.”

“It’s so great that I chose a healthy dinner since I’ve had zero time to work out today.”
* drizzles avocado lime ranch dressing on Chick-Fil-A salad *

7:00 p.m.
* A group text about going out tonight comes through *
“I’ll just meet them for two drinks and call it a night.”

8:00 p.m.
“Ugh, forgot to get gas. Well, the indicator just hit ‘E’ so I can make it at least another day without filling up.”

9:00 p.m.
“There’s no way I’ll get a parking ticket in this neighborhood.”

10:00 p.m.
“I’d be stupid not to take advantage of late night happy hour. Two margaritas for me!”

10:59 p.m.
“Man, I’m saving so much money by taking advantage of this deal. Two more, please!”

12:00 a.m.
“One more drink, then I’m out of here. None of these people are attractive anyway.”

1:00 a.m.
“Okay that bartender is kiiiinda cute now that I’ve had more time to think about it.”

2:00 a.m.
“The bartender is into me. Most definitely.”

3:00 a.m.
“I’ll make time to fill up my gas tank before work tomorrow.”

4:00 a.m.
“I’m just going to spend two minutes on Reddit.”

5:00 a.m.
“I’m so going to the gym when I wake up.”

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