How Do You Solve a Problem Like Casey Anthony? (apologies to Julie Andrews)
Casey Anthony truly won the lottery. She disposed of her burdensome toddler, dragged the family that she resented into the gutter in the most public way possible, lied to everyone about everything, was acquitted on the major charges, and will probably make a shitload of money on interviews, book deals, and a Lifetime movie (Alyssa Milano as Casey, Meredith Baxter-Birney as Cindy, James Brolin as George, Chuy Bravo as José Baez). As revolting as that is, history shows that TOT MOM will probably follow the O.J./Amy Fisher trajectory and end up broke, back in jail, (or worse) on Celebrity Rehab at some point in the near future.
Ramona Singer: Supermodel of the World!
No, this is NOT Cameron Diaz. It's Real Housewives of New York superstar Ramoner! (According to her, they're practically identical twins.) I swear I must have watched the 10 second teaser of this lunatic strutting her bulging eyeballs down that runway about 20 times, so I was compelled to spend an entire morning whipping up this remix video for your viewing pleasure. KaDOOZE!
Eyes of Ramoner Singer
If you haven't noticed, I'm obsessed with RHONY's Ramoner these days. She seems particularly unhinged this season which I find irresistible. And let's face it, it's all about those eyes: popping, bulging, straining to burst out of their very sockets as if to say, "fuck this shit. We're OUTTA HERE!". Frankly, I can't blame them. Just take a look at her bizarre turn on the runway and the footage of her prattling on about Kelly "Sawdust for Brains" Bensimon's wayward boobs. Suddenly, inspiration hit: the iconic Eyes of Laura Mars movie poster, except with Ramoner's protuberant peepers instead. KaDOOZE!
Hollywood's Least Interesting Couple Gets Reality Show
Lisa "Labia Lips" Rinna and Harry "Clash of the Titans" Hamlin are going to be gracing the already fetid airwaves with their very own reality show. Shoot me now because I'm probably going to watch it. It's being sponsored by the makers of Chapstick, Juvederm, Botox, and Massengill Disposable Douche with Extra Mild Vinegar and Water.
Rachel Zoe Shuts It Down for Obama
I'm sure Rachel has Brad and Taylor feverishly pulling "voting looks" to present to Joy Bryant at this very moment. While we're on the topic, who the hell is Joy Bryant and why can't she pick out her own clothes? It's not like she's that busy. What does she do and why is she quasi-famous? Please 'splain it. Bananas.