47 Things That Mildly Irritate People From Norfolk
1. People being unable to pronounce Norfolk correctly – no, it's not "Norr-folk".
2. The constant references to being a farmer.
3. Complete with the presumption that you drive a tractor.
4. Getting stuck behind a farm vehicle while driving.
5. And never being able to overtake because of bendy roads.
6. When someone does an impression of your accent and it sounds like someone from the West Country.
7. Or Australia.
8. Non-Norfolk people thinking all references to Alan Partridge are funny.
9. People who have the audacity to claim you don't speak properly.
10. When someone thinks you're somehow missing out because you don't live in London or Manchester.
11. Getting asked where Norfolk is and having to explain it in relation to London.
12. And then resorting to describing it as the sticky-out-bum bit of Britain.
13. Any reference to Delia Smith and the "let's be having you" speech.
14. Non-local crabs being sold off as Cromer crabs.
15. People thinking the most famous person from Norfolk is Stephen Fry.
16. Then realising that he probably is.
17. Great Yarmouth's bad reputation lingering like a bad whiff.
18. Someone describing Norfolk as flat – have you seen Beeston Bump?
19. The mispronunciation of place names like Happisburgh and Wymondham.
20. The rain.
21. The constant rain.
22. And always on a bank holiday.
23. The fact that everyone's a fucking Norwich City fan when the Canaries are in the premiership.
24. Meaning you can be sure to find a supporter no matter what city in the world you are in.
25. And the yellow-and-green kit: It's not a sexy look on anyone.
26. Ipswich supporters.
27. Explaining who Jack Valentine is without sounding like a complete nutter.
28. Having to visually explain what a shantyman is.
29. Abellio Greater Anglia.
30. Trains being delayed because of stray cows.
31. Having just one bus a week if you live in a village.
32. Or two a day if you live in a town.
33. Getting asked if you live near, have seen, or have been invited to tea with the royals.
34. But secretly wishing you were BFFs with Kate and Wills.
35. Going to Holt and wanting to do something that isn't going to an art gallery or sitting in a cafe.
36. Not that you can actually park anyway.
37. Prince of Wales Road in Norwich on a Friday or Saturday night.
38. Summer appearing for just two days in May. If you're lucky.
39. The fact the beautiful coast is always too fucking cold ever to warrant a beach day.
40. Stuck-up tourists.
41. Houses being bought as holiday homes and remaining empty all year round.
42. The serious lack of 4G.
43. And 3G.
44. Everyone seeming to know your business, including Margaret in the local shop.
45. Potholes. Everywhere.
45. Waiting for the Acle Straight to be dualled.
47. Everything being "bootiful".