7 Situations Made Better With Pirate Speak

    Ahoy ye swabby landlubbers! Today be International Talk Like A Pirate Day! Celebrate with a grog and wench or a...whatever be the male equivalent of a wench.

    Donna Dickens
    by Donna Dickens

    Community Contributor

    7. Getting Pulled Over By The Cops

    Yar, Officer. I be as sober as a judge before an ethic committee.

    6. Dealing With Jehovah's Witnesses

    Avast! Be gone ye villainous heathen 'afore I make ye walk the plank for his noodley appendage!

    5. Parent/Teacher Conferences

    Arrrrghhhh. What sea witch be this to say mine Billy be not a special snowflake!?

    4. Mowing The Lawn

    BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES. MOLE HOLE OFF THE PORT BOW! HARD TO STARBOARD 'AFORE WE'RE WEDGED IN TIGHT!

    3. Important Business Meeting

    The fourth quarter numbers be falling faster than a wenches drawers when we make port. Might I suggest ye cut loose yonder accounting bilge rats 'afore they sink the bloody lot of us?

    2. Sexy Times

    Thine other wenches booty be naught compared to the wonder of your doubloons.

    1. Ordering Coffee

    Avast! Bring me another Pumpkin Spice grog! We must fortify against the scurvy scourge!