7. Getting Pulled Over By The Cops
Yar, Officer. I be as sober as a judge before an ethic committee.
6. Dealing With Jehovah’s Witnesses
Avast! Be gone ye villainous heathen ‘afore I make ye walk the plank for his noodley appendage!
5. Parent/Teacher Conferences
Arrrrghhhh. What sea witch be this to say mine Billy be not a special snowflake!?
4. Mowing The Lawn
BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES. MOLE HOLE OFF THE PORT BOW! HARD TO STARBOARD ‘AFORE WE’RE WEDGED IN TIGHT!
3. Important Business Meeting
The fourth quarter numbers be falling faster than a wenches drawers when we make port. Might I suggest ye cut loose yonder accounting bilge rats ‘afore they sink the bloody lot of us?
2. Sexy Times
Thine other wenches booty be naught compared to the wonder of your doubloons.
1. Ordering Coffee
Avast! Bring me another Pumpkin Spice grog! We must fortify against the scurvy scourge!
This post was created by a user and has not been vetted or endorsed by BuzzFeed's editorial staff. BuzzFeed Community is a place where anyone can post awesome lists and creations. Learn more or post your buzz!
- Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe will visit Pearl Harbor in Hawaii later this month — the first Japanese leader to do so.
- Donald Trump has picked retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson to be his secretary of housing and urban development.
- The far-right candidate in Austria's presidential election has conceded defeat, obstructing the advance of the global populist movement in Europe.
- A woman clapped back at her anti-gay neighbor using festive rainbow Christmas lights 🎄👏