7. Getting Pulled Over By The Cops
Yar, Officer. I be as sober as a judge before an ethic committee.
6. Dealing With Jehovah’s Witnesses
Avast! Be gone ye villainous heathen ‘afore I make ye walk the plank for his noodley appendage!
5. Parent/Teacher Conferences
Arrrrghhhh. What sea witch be this to say mine Billy be not a special snowflake!?
4. Mowing The Lawn
BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES. MOLE HOLE OFF THE PORT BOW! HARD TO STARBOARD ‘AFORE WE’RE WEDGED IN TIGHT!
3. Important Business Meeting
The fourth quarter numbers be falling faster than a wenches drawers when we make port. Might I suggest ye cut loose yonder accounting bilge rats ‘afore they sink the bloody lot of us?
2. Sexy Times
Thine other wenches booty be naught compared to the wonder of your doubloons.
1. Ordering Coffee
Avast! Bring me another Pumpkin Spice grog! We must fortify against the scurvy scourge!
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- Milo Yiannopoulos's book has been canceled after he was accused of defending pedophilia.