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Vampires. They're Everywhere.

My feelings when Men's Fitness Magazine posted an advice column to help men turn my "no" into a "yes."

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I recently read an article posted online by Men's Fitness Magazine written by a man named Nick Savoy, titled "How to Turn a 'No' into a 'Yes.'"

As you might expect, this ignorant columnist proceeds after that horrendous title (because if you think that title is Okay, then you are, of course, going to continue, oblivious), explaining that his advice is relevant "1) at the bar, 2) on a date, 3) in bed, and 4) in a relationship," and that "if a girl isn't into you…1) Plow ahead anyway."

This entire time, for years, I've been navigating through life and constantly running into men who have refused to accept my answers of "NO" over and over and over again. I've met men who have actually told me that I didn't mean it, or that I didn't know what I meant or wanted, or that I actually WANTED to say yes, but was afraid of love. No joke, just like in "Pride and Prejudice" when Elizabeth turns Mr. Collins down and he refuses to accept her answer because he believes she's just doing it because it's what all women do to act appropriately.

This whole time, I just thought these men were flukes. I was like, "wow, I seem to be a magnet for extremely daft, pushy, and arrogant men."

I didn't realize there was an entire community of these kinds of people. These people who think that "No" is just an insignificant hurdle that all men must jump in order to "get theirs" and prove themselves worthy of the title "Real Men" (seriously, I quote Nick Savoy in Men's Fitness, "what separates boys from men…how quickly you can turn things around").

Here I was, thinking about how unfortunate I happened be to keep running into the very rare monster, completely unaware that they weren't rare at all! And they weren't individual monsters! There are covens, or cults, or congregations of these Beasts. They have preachers. Their "Plow past 'No'" lessons are being Taught, Nurtured, and Encouraged. Their predatory words spread through magazines and the internet, covering countless miles, breaching numerous walls (walls like Distance, or The Word "No").

I'm so discouraged. I'm disgusted. I'm outraged. It's never quite hit me until now. I feel like the only human in a Gary Larson sketch, standing in the middle of a busy street, shouting from a pedestal, surrounded by others, but alone…

…I was going to paste that particular strip here, but I couldn't find a copy online, so I'll have to describe it (disappointing, I know. Apparently the world is filled with disappointments tonight). Also, to add to that, I'm describing this from a memory of a comic that I read as a child, so it may not be entirely correct. I think I've got the gist.

Scene: busy street corner. A man is standing on a soap box or pedestal, looking crazed. "Vampires, they're everywhere!" He shouts (in the form of a quote bubble). Around him, people are walking, unaffected by his outburst. At the edge of the scene, a few workers are hauling an enormous mirror: a mirror large enough to reflect the entirety of the rest of the strip. In the reflection, you see the street corner, the soap box, and the man, but none of the other pedestrians.

Focus Features / Via

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