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The Truth About "Dumb Dogs"

Why our dumb-looking dogs are smarter than us.


My rescue dog is a shih tzu. Dumb-sounding name, right? Looks dumb, too. He’s always sticking out his tongue. Always.

But you know the proverbial saying: Looks can be deceiving. I’m pretty sure that my dog plays me, understanding that he’ll get away with a lot more if I think he doesn’t understand. Here’s why my canine is smarter than he looks, maybe even smarter than me:

1.He picks the tasty morsels out of his dog food and leaves the crappy-tasting ones all over the house. Buy him the stuff he doesn’t like, he’s telling me, and he’ll make me clean it up.

2.He knows when I’ve pretended to throw a treat, and when I pretend to throw it again and again and again. Who looks dumb now?

3.If I leave him alone for too long, he’ll find things to chew on, especially anything made of paper that sticks to floors with slobber. That’ll teach me.

4.When I catch him on the couch, I yell, “Get off!” He immediately jumps down. When I walk away, he’s back up. If I turn around, he’ll immediately jump down again. He’s no dummy. He knows how to piss me off.

5.He waits until we’re in front of a neighbor’s house--with people standing outside--before he hunches his back and does his duty. He’s an exhibitionist, and I’m embarrassed. He knows that I now have to pick up his sh*t as I wave “hello.”

6.Do you know why he tries to fight the biggest dogs on the block? Because I’ll intervene, realizing that he doesn’t stand a chance. Apparently, I’m his bitch.

7.When I attempt to slow down his walk by talking with a neighbor, he’ll bark and growl at her dog until I’m forced to move on.

8.Most dogs like water. My dog doesn’t. He hates the rain and, as punishment for me walking him when it’s wet outside, he’ll wait until we’re inside the house, then pee on the floor. Right in front of me. That’ll teach me to take him out in the rain.

9.Ditto with baths. Give him a bath, and he’ll thank me by immediately peeing on the floor.

10.He tries to bite the waterfall in our backyard. How stupid is that? says the woman who follows him around videoing him because it’s so damn funny.

11.He snores while I work quietly and barks when I try to sleep.

12.I take him to a nice dog park, where he can make friends and run around. When it’s time to go, he makes me run around and chase him.

13.He understands my moods better than any man and knows when to stay. the. hell. away.

14.The dog has free food, housing, health care, entertainment and pornography. ‘Nuff said.

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