To everyone who has a problem with breast feeding, I say shame on you.
I was out and about doing my weekly shop for my sweet treasures when dear Greg started to fuss. Now I know EXACTLY what that means as I am an ATTENTIVE AND INVESTED father.
I checked his reusable cloth nappy and found it was quite dry. Bewildered, I checked again. Dry as a bone. As an aside use your miracles leavings as fertilizer and tell those corporate manure pushers that blood and bone is not required when you've got as many sweet blessings as I do.
After my third reusable cloth nappy check my ATTENTIVE AND INVESTED father brain kicked in and I realised Greg must be hungry. Luckily at a seminar on new age parenting and fathering techniques the speaker let me in on a device from Belgium known as the Dudder (tm).
The Dudder (tm) allows father and blessed gift to bond like never before. To the layman it may appear to be a backpack worn backwards over the chest but on closer inspection the pair of rubber nipples protruding from the top of the Dudder (tm) reveal it's inner secrets.
Filling the approved Dudder (tm) Milk Tank (sold separately) with organic, free farmed, Byron Bay produced breast milk allows the INVESTED AND ATTENTIVE father to breast feed his miracles.
So I donned my Dudder (tm) in the yoghurt aisle of Woolies and began to both nurture and bond with my Greg.
The looks I was receiving from unenlightened shoppers! One early twenties girl (I say girl because womanhood starts at the birth of your first child) had the GALL to say "Excuse me, you're just blocking the yoghurt. Can I get past?"
LISTEN TO ME YOU UNENLIGHTENED LITTLE BEAST! HOW DARE YOU JUDGE ME FOR EMBRACING EXCITING AND REVOLUTIONARY HUMAN ENCOURAGEMENT TECHNIQUES! ITS CLEAR TO ME YOUR PARENTS HAVE NO INTEREST IN YOUR FUTURE AND CLEARLY YOU NEED TO GET PREGNANT ASAP!
-sigh- When will the world learn that children ARE our future.
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