Desmond W.

I am important. So are other people, especially if they are in trouble. I have a tender heart, but I know how to establish and keep personal boundaries. I am empathetic and compassionate, but I also believe that it's best if people solve their own problems and learn to take care of themselves, if they are able. I am deeply moved by the needs of others, but I know that if I don't take good care of myself, I'll wind up being of no use to anyone. So mine is a thoughtful compassion. I strive to be fair and sensible, taking care of others while also taking care of myself. When someone really is in trouble, I like to collaborate with them toward a solution; they do their part, I do mine. I consider carefully, and respond in a sensible way; they do their part, and together I move through the difficulty. I seldom act impulsively; rather, when a problem arises, I take my time to think through the situation. This contemplative quality usually means that I'll arrive at a diplomatic solution, one that's fair for the other person and also fair to me. It's frequently a win/win situation. I find that I am usually more comfortable with ideas and beliefs that I have held for a long time. These values, which for I are tried-and-true, provide me with practical solutions to life's problems, and with straightforward ways of engaging in intellectual discussions and debates. I've tested these positions over time, I know them well, they work for me, and I trust them. I like the way these solutions provide consistency and value to my life. I've always been teachable as well. Whether in textbooks or classrooms, or through a wide variety of personal and interpersonal experiences, I've explored and tested the values and ideas I hold dearly. Along the way I've grown to recognize ideas and beliefs that fit with my life. When this happens, I open myself to learning what it is that this can teach me. Most of the time evaluating new information strengthens what I know and trust; the "next new thing" usually proves too shallow or too impractical to dislodge me from what has served me so well. In some ways, I've got the best of emotional worlds. When emotions rise up from inside me or are brought forth from a conversation by a friend, I know how to engage them. I deal with sadness, fear, joy, anger - whatever comes up - in ways that are perceptive and flexible. I can adapt to whatever level of emotion is appropriate to the moment. At other times, I am able to cope with my emotions in a more reserved manner. Because I am aware of what does and does not make emotional sense in a particular situation, I will decide when it is an appropriate time to express my emotions and when it would be best to keep them to myself. I may find myself out of balance on occasion. If I'm alone too much, I may need to get in touch with someone. If I spend too much time with my family and friends, I may need to sneak off for a day by myself, to putter and read and clear my head ...

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